ARGH! I just wanna close my eyes... And feel that my own innocence is gone away from me, just for a few seconds - maybe minutes or hours... I wanna feel my own guilty pleasure. Whatever vengeance i will take will be part of me, growing up as a teenager.. I will have no remorse, no more regrets.. Just me, myself, in this forsaken room of mine, making my own tasty revenge on others.. On those who mistreated me this year.. Those who made me upset. How i wish i could just wake up at midnight and take out a bloody knife, to stab those people, and let them bleed in pain, in sorrow. While I, will stare at them , with complete satisfaction of what is going on now..
How i wish there was no tomorrow. Only chaos will be found. What i want will be there. Those who want me to be dead, forgotten in their memories will die. As my sweet senses tell me, trust no one, except yourself. Keeping my friends close, and my enemies closer.. They will all fall, perfect for my little present, their sacrifice. What i want is so simple, but why can't i fulfill it myself? Thus, those sacrifices will be made, to improve my life. And, their death would mean little , or maybe nothing, to me.
I feel as if there's a stranger in my life. A person who is controlling all my actions, all my feelings, and my attitude. Sometimes i would feel extremely desperate, to kill myself, to torment others, to eradicate my enemies. But still, those are bad things. This stranger, led me feel all the pleasures of life, even if i feel guilty about it. Thats why there's something called guilty pleasure.
People controlling you, maybe it was for your own good? Or for your own evil ? Leading to wrong actions, may let you have a different feeling, different lessons.
Now as i grow up, i would Have a crush on someone. I wiped away all of her tears when she cried, washed away all her pain when she was hurt. She looked so vulnerable, and i swore to myself that i would protect her, forever. I promised myself that i would be her knight in shining armor, coming into her life and saving her from this plight. But she had already broken my heart.. Leaving me bleeding love on the floor, thinking that all was over for me already. Before that, i had thought that without her, would be like a white rose being stained with blood, then withering at midnight, unable to survive its own conditions. Then vanishing into the shadows of the night , where its remains would no longer stay there. Now, she hurt me too badly. The pain is just too real , too excruciating, for even time, cannot erase it. That feeling, made me feel that life cannot go on already. Thinking that if i was a immortal, i would be living in pain, in sorrow for ever. Sometimes it would be good if i had just stayed as a mortal.
Facing all the difficulty in life, it would also feel like breaking up with someone you love. Betrayed by someone you trusted the most. But now then i know, life has to go on, no matter what happens.
