Yet experience has taught me that fate is sometimes cruel and that even a boatload of hope is sometimes not enough.
I think I've been expecting too much of myself all this while. Maybe it's because I've already experienced things that seemed to be the best at that point in time, that it can no longer be bested by something else. And this sucks, because sometimes you are given only the option to let the best go and settle for second-best instead. I'm not saying that second-best is bad, but perhaps it's just not good enough to meet your hopes that have been bench-marked with the best all along.
I'm still finding a person who knows me completely. I'm not saying this in terms of finding a girlfriend or whatever, but just someone who gets me and understands how I feel about things. We may not agree with one another on everything, but at least we can talk about anything under the sun. I'm still trying to find a person whom I can spend silence comfortably with. I don't know why, but it has been really hard for me to talk to people about what I really feel. I often have this feeling that I'll be judged as someone who is overbearing, too clingy or even weird just because of the want to express my true thoughts and opinions on things that may seem really minute and insignificant at times. It really feels like I've been bottling up too many things within myself and I really want to be honest with myself, and at least with one person by my side. I've tried opening up to the people around me recently, but I've been getting the same old insecurities whenever I do that.
Moving on, I honestly have this feeling that I'll remain forever single. Like in all my life, I'll forever be single and be alone in everything that I do. Some may say that solitude can be good at times, but it's really sad thinking about myself that way now. I don't think I can ever love someone more than myself, and I don't think that I'll ever have the commitment to remain devoted in something. I don't know man. Love seems so foreign to me. I've just watched 'The Longest Ride' on cinemas and I've been simply blown away by the chivalry that the male protagonist has shown. I honestly can't see myself doing half of the things that he has done, or even having a quarter of his good attributes. Sigh. It's already hard enough for me to find someone who understands me, let alone someone who loves me.
I think that the point is that people rarely understand that nothing is ever exactly what you think it will be.
