I wanna drive into the open,
looking for reasons I can't find.
I've been spending most of my long weekends reading and seriously tearing up a lot. I'm sorry if I'm not as masculine as what most of you would have thought, but I'm really starting to despise society a lot. Or maybe the world. Perhaps it has come for this stage of maturity to come and finally realize the evils of the world. Just by reading short stories and confession pages by people who have been left out by the majority of us really questions our humanity. Where is the love? It's kinda ironic that we're speaking up for peace and equity, and yet we're having wars in two parts of the world right now. Sometimes it's really hard to live in this world, with all the discrimination going on around us. Some people have to hide behind their masks to live their lives the "right" way. They have to give away their true personality and character just to be accepted by society these days. We speak of openness, and yet we shun those who are different. That's what that makes it difficult for people to really open up their minds and truly be free. Turns out we're all slaves to society at the end of the day.
Putting all these thoughts aside, I've been feeling slightly uncomfortable over what's happening to me right now. I can't really say why, but I just can't seem to draw the line between perhaps two of the most important aspects of my life. The absence of distinction is killing me. But no matter what, I can't bear to make the same mistake again. I just can't. I've paid the price of doing something really foolish and stupid once, and I made a vow not to do it again. But I guess all the temptations and emotions are coming back eh? I don't know why my mind is lingering around endlessly every single time when I need to be focused on something else. This is getting distracting, and I got to stop it before things get worse.
It's memories like these that make me smile and cry at the same time. Memories that convey two different emotions at the same time. They always start out fine before having bad endings at the same time. I miss the days of those "fine" and "happy" moments, but they're like cocaine. I know that these feelings will harm me one day, but they just make me high, wanting to relive the moments again. There's no point telling myself that studies always come first, when the sight of you reminds me of that feeling all the time, and I can't shrug it off. It feels right for me to move on, even if my heart tells me otherwise. All the little eye contacts and stares are just driving me insane.
So I call your name the only thing I know,
is that I need you here,
will you be gone forever?
