I've got to learn how to smile properly!
I shouldn't be holding back!

I'd Understand.

Probably mindless dreaming.

Don't all of us have a person in our lives that we wished we could cherish more? Not a relative, or a kin, but just a friend. Yeah. I do. My thought on the matter still remained the same. If I could go back in time and change it, then we, or at least I, wouldn't end up in this plight now. I thought that I would have at least forgotten about you now, but it's the otherwise now. I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and I stumbled upon your profile. Wow. It's been three years and things have changed. I know that this incident has already come to a closure, but I wished we didn't need to come to this end. I know that I've caused everything to ruin and don't really deserve this second chance but.. I'm hoping that I do. Maybe someday we'll meet up again somewhere and somehow, but I hope that I'll be ready to face you again by then. Maybe we'll just be like the past, before everything happened and I let don't know what control me. But maybe, things would have changed by then. I've come to a this point in my life when I realised that I've made so many fake friends, that I've began to break away from my real friends. You warned me about this before, and yet I chose not to.

Well, I guess everything has been said and done anyway. There's nothing I can possibly do to revert things to the way they were. Maybe this has been a lesson learnt, and a harsh one indeed. I'll be missing out on the genuine conversations that I could have if I knew then. Because nowadays, there's just no one left to trust. Or more like, after everything that has happened, I couldn't bear to trust anyone anymore. Perhaps one day, I'll learn to open up and break free. Someday that day will come, even though it seems like a thousand lightyears away. But i know that I'll be out of the woods somehow. Man. I really miss those days. I really do. The feeling of waking up and ending the day happily, no matter what has happened on that day itself. Maybe it's hard to compare when I've already had a taste of perfection. I guess second best will never be enough. It may be close, but it'll never be the same.

Man. I wish you'll read this post, even when I know you won't.  Maybe you would someday but I guess it's virtually impossible eh? Probably less than one in a million. But if you take that chance that slips by once in a million times, you'll know who you are.

But if the chain's at your door,
I'd understand.

1. Dark Horse - Katy Perry feat. Juicy J

2. Any Korean Song.

3. Burn - Ellie Goulding

4. Say Something - A Great Big World

5. Farewell - Rihanna

6. Home - Kit Chan

7. Inside Your Heaven - Carrie Underwood

8. Love Story - Taylor Swift

9. Call My Name - Cheryl Cole

10. Heart Attack - Enrique Iglesias

11. Over You - Daughtry

12. Story of My Life - One Direction

13. Touchin', Lovin' - Trey Songz feat. Nicki Minaj

14. Flawless (Remix) - Beyonce feat. Nicki Minaj

15. Wide Awake - Katy Perry

16. What The Hell - Avril Lavigne

17. Roar - Katy Perry

18. Legends Never Die - Ferras feat. Katy Perry

19. I Know You Won't - Carrie Underwood ( from the album 'Carnival Ride' )

20. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark - Fall Out Boy

21. Chandelier - Sia

22. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody

23. This Is My Now - Jordin Sparks

24. I Look To You - Whitney Houston

25. Hello Kitty - Avril Lavigne

26. NIL ):

27. Thinking of You - Katy Perry

28. Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson

29. Breaking Free - Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

30. Home - Phillip Phillips

Thank you, whoever you are. You convinced me to stay that day. Without you, I would still be stuck in that storm without any hope of making it out alive. You were right, it was not worth taking something precious to me just because of some little issues that I've had in the past. You said that when the storm subsides, I'll look back to this very day when I was contemplating to end it all, and become thankful that I didn't do so. And now, I am thankful. Maybe it was my stinky attitude/character in the past, but all of you supported me throughout the entire journey there. Thanks for being there for me, when no one else would. Thank you for putting faith in me and telling me that I didn't deserve all these, and I hope that I'll never let all of you down. You said that I only did a bad thing, but that doesn't define my character. You chose to forgive me based on the good that I've done (no matter how small they are), instead of the huge list of bad decisions that I've made. Without you, I probably wouldn't have seen the brighter side of life.

Something in the Water.

And now I've changed.
And now I'm stronger.

Things have really changed quite a bit since the last time I've been here. Depressed? Not really, but I'm just really sad watching my results plunge to an all time low. I know that some others may find it really annoying for me to say this, but it's the sense of disappointment that overwhelms you when you know that you could've done better. I initially planned to make use of my results and try to get lucky with some of the advance placement programmes out there, but looking at my results now, I don't even stand a chance.  Anyway, the results have spoken, and it's time for me to do something about it instead of being ignorant about what is wrong. What truly matters is that all of us get our desired grades for the upcoming A level examinations. And I really hope that I'll be able to do myself proud, after choosing to take this route when there are so many other options available. Man, with the exams coming in just 30 days, I'm really going to miss my school for everything that everyone has done for me. I've never imagined being in an environment where the people around you makes you feel happy every single day. Well yes, some friends may be superficial, but at least they have no intentions of harming/talking behind your back. Well, at least I can conclude now that NYJC is indeed one of the wisest decisions that I've made in my life so far.

Moving on, I've recently rekindled my love for esports. I know that this isn't exactly a good time for it to be drawn into the esports scene now, but it's just really interesting to watch and play. I even went all the way down to Singapore Expo to watch the group stages of the LoL championships 2014 and it was indeed a memorable experience. Despite being an audience member and only looking at the big kick-ass screen of how the games are progressing, I felt like the game really connected to me. Maybe that's the feeling that most football fanatics get when they watch their favourite teams play. It may seem boring to others (like me) but hey, at least they're enjoying themselves. I guess watching the matches 'live' really adds another dimension of the love I have for it, which many can't really understand unless they experience it themselves. Anyway, I even got a photo with Cloud 9, one of the most famous esports team in North America! To be honest, I wasn't really a huge fan-boy of that team before I watched the matches at the Expo, but man, they fought hard and earned my respect and awe for them. It may just seem like a game with little or zero strenuous activity, but it really requires a lot of brain activity in order to win the match. The shot-callings were truly impeccable and really amazing. There were really so many unforeseen swings in the matches that made the experience even more exciting to have.

Anyway, moving back to the point about Cloud 9, I was initially an all-out EU fan, but C9 has really made me admire them even more throughout their participation at worlds. Putting aside all the gameplay mechanics and strategies, I find their players really relate-able. Well, other than trying to learn how to play better, I usually follow what Hai says on social media. And more often than not, he writes about his thoughts of his life (being a pro-gamer) rather than the gameplay mechanics that he could have bragged about all day. And to be honest, I find his posts really inspiring and interesting to read because it's fascinating to know more about life as a professional gamer, instead of being stuck at home with books and deadlines to meet.

So yeah, to cut the long story short, I think Hai may become one of my idols in the esports scene because of his swag and composure. AND HE LOOKS QUITE GOOD FOR A GAMER YEAH? Not trying to be gay but, I wish I had 50 percent of his face.. And he was the one who made me realize that if you smile with your eyes closed, you should look much better in the photo, like how he does it in his photos! Anyway, I really hope for an opportunity to come by for me to interact with him and hopefully become friends as it'll be really cool to know these players at a more personal level! I know that this may seem a little far-fetched, but hey, a fan-boy can dream right? Hmm. Maybe I'll muster the courage to write on his tumblr and try to get to know him better and hopefully, we'll be friends!

Moving on, I've just realised that I'll be having a really sad birthday this year because it's smacked right in the middle of A levels.. Man, I won't be able to truly enjoy myself that day and it'll be too early or too late if I celebrate it on another day. Anyway, I just hope that I'll have a peace of mind on that day so that I can celebrate the end of a great year with myself the right way. But now, I should just stop thinking about it and press on for the upcoming examinations.

By the way, I know that some of us right there may feel a little down because of their results, but I really hope for all of us to press on and do the best we can right now. It may seem hard and insurmountable, but it is surely not impossible to overcome. Just have a bit more faith in yourselves, and I'm sure with a touch of discipline and luck, all of us will do fine for the upcoming 'A' levels.

Just a little faith and it'll all get better.

"Talking to people nowadays has become so much harder…

For one, it’s hard to meet people because everyone is always on their phone or seems unapproachable, and you don’t want to be an ass if they want to be left alone.

But more than that, if you try to message someone or say something as simple as “hi” they become suspicious. They think you want something out of them or that you want them, they deem you a creeper or as thirsty.

Granted, a lot of them are creepy or thirsty, but it’s hard to pick apart the good from the bad."

- Reblogged from Hai's tumblr: http://simplyhai.tumblr.com/post/98892616355/talking-to-people-nowadays-has-become-so-much

Well I heard what he said and went on my way.
Didn't think about it for a couple of days.
Then it hit me like lightning late one night,
I was all out of hoping, all out of fight.
Couldn't fight back my tears so I fell on my knees.