Finally managed to find the time to change the playlist in this blog. 'LA Love' may be the weakest song of the lot, but Fergie's rap in rapid flow screams for an eargasm.

Edit: I tried to include as many genres that are currently in the mainstream music as I possibly can. My personal favorite has got to be the last song, because I was there for the event that this song was written for :3

Midnight.

Could end in burning flames or paradise.

Have we ever let anyone take little pieces of our lives willingly, without trading anything back? Is it really worth it to give someone the glimpse moments of our lives, just for the sake that they'll notice them somehow. Maybe giving isn't exactly a sort of thing that one has to do constantly. All of us want something in return for the little things that we do. And yet all of us still allow others to extract the precious pieces of our lives, bit by bit, without even noticing it. Maybe this was what that led them to feel trapped and to feel that they're being controlled, because they have ran out of pieces to give away to people. And the worse part is, we'll always notice it too late, especially when the pieces have all formed into bigger shards of memories and begin to haunt us. Or maybe just when everything collapses at our feet, we'll begin to realize how much have we been giving away all along.

I really wanna feel free and just break away from all the thoughts that I've been having lately. I think I'm getting a little bit drunk on jealousy. I was naive to think that all the effort put in would be worth it in the end. And yet, I was betrayed and just disappointed by the people around me. Maybe it was the high expectations that I've been placing on myself and them, but it just seems a little bit too shocking. It really doesn't feel like I'm 18, when I'm still disappointed about these trivial and small details. But yeah, I should've been happy, but everything just turned out the way that I didn't want it to be this birthday. Maybe the A level stress has been getting into me lately, and everything has been going smoothly just without me acknowledging it. But yeah, I should have expected less. Well, at least I can see my life with greater clarity.

Anyway, I don't know why but I've been getting really weird thoughts lately. Like I'm suddenly obsessed with gamers and all sorts of things when this isn't exactly the right time to think about them. Man. I really wish for time to rewind and for myself to appreciate the entertainment in life more than the little pieces of myself that I've been stupidly giving away. And I've been thinking way too much these days, about the long list of optimistic scenarios that may occur if things go the way they're planned. I look at these people, and they are living by themselves and have owned a car when they're only 22. It seemed like everything is going perfectly planned for them. Sigh. I doubt that I will be like them when I'm 22, because I'll still be studying and suffering from an immense amount of stress. But either way, it's good to dream I suppose.

When we go crashing down.

"At some point maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves it’s better that we never dream at all but the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold onto the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful and if we’re lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life, the true dream is being able to dream at all."

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy (Season 3, Episode 23: The Other Side Of This Life)

"Uncontrollable bleeding, acidosis, cold. We all know what the combination means. We call it the triad of death. The point of no return. It’s the moment in the O.R. where we turn to damage control. You stop. You step back. You let the body rest and see if you can find a solution to the chaos that’s happening inside.
…
Once the chaos subsides, we have to go back, take another look. We have to ask ourselves, ‘Can this body be put back together?’ If we’ve done our jobs right, it can. We stop the bleed. We sow the damage. We make the body whole again. But no matter how hard we try, we have to realize some things just can’t be fixed."

- Arizona Robbins and Callie Torres, Grey's Anatomy (Season 11, Episode 5: Bend and Break)

Out Of The Woods.

Looking at it now,
it seemed so simple.

It's definitely not the best feeling in the world to realize that the mistakes you've made during the entire week have cost you two distinctions, especially for a subject that you're good at. And the worse part is that you only realise your mistakes after you step out of the examination hall. I've prepared, but was it enough? Maybe it's the anxiety that keeps bugging me every single time but, I need to find a way to deal with it.

Well, what's past is past I guess. I've really done what I possibly could during the entire duration of the papers. I just hope that I'll be able to accept whatever grades that I'm going to get for what I submitted and have no regrets about it. Anyway, 2 subjects down, 3 more to go. I'm pretty worried about the other three because I haven't been spending too much time on them, especially chemistry. I really don't know why but, my chemistry has been on a downhill trend. It's like ever since my oh-so-glorious promotional results when everything started to change for the worse. Maybe it's complacency, or just plain stupidity.

Man. My self-esteem is plunging every single day. I honestly don't know whether I can pull through this, even though it's a must. Maybe thinking about the things I can do once everything is over will help. But planning events and outings aren't helping much too. Am I chaining myself to too many commitments when all of it ends? I need a getaway, and get away from the busy life that we're accustomed to. Maybe I need to find myself again, and reflect on whatever that has happened for the past two years here. But all of this can only be done when the final battle's over. Dear future me, no matter whether you get the grades you desire or not, you've done the absolute best that you possibly could and there's no point crying over it, because what's done is done. I'm extremely proud of what you have achieved, and I hope that you can overcome whatever you face and move on with life.

Moving on, do we pay attention to the people who we deem, or once deemed, as important in our lives? Like, do we still keep in touch with them, or even remember what they look like and their hobbies? Maybe some will feel that some memories are better left forgotten, but I think that there must be a reason why we thought that they were important to us at some point in our lives. Do we just forget everything that you've gone through with them, or do we just endlessly wait for that moment to appear in our lives again and give us an opportunity to catch up with one another? There's no doubt that I've made friends, and lost some in the process. But I am really hoping for the opportunity to come by and apologize for whatever that I've done. For pushing them away, backstabbing them, or just being the monster that I was once. 

Maybe it's a little too early to say this because the finale hasn't arrived, but have we ever thought of how many of those around us will stand behind us and support us all the way through life when the journey ends? To be honest, I'm not expecting many. Maybe it's because of the stupid little mistakes and the little tantrums that I've thrown throughout my life, but I had it coming my way. Well, that's just something to ponder about and there's nothing that we can possibly do now but just wait and see..

Are we in the clear yet?