Could end in burning flames or paradise.
Have we ever let anyone take little pieces of our lives willingly, without trading anything back? Is it really worth it to give someone the glimpse moments of our lives, just for the sake that they'll notice them somehow. Maybe giving isn't exactly a sort of thing that one has to do constantly. All of us want something in return for the little things that we do. And yet all of us still allow others to extract the precious pieces of our lives, bit by bit, without even noticing it. Maybe this was what that led them to feel trapped and to feel that they're being controlled, because they have ran out of pieces to give away to people. And the worse part is, we'll always notice it too late, especially when the pieces have all formed into bigger shards of memories and begin to haunt us. Or maybe just when everything collapses at our feet, we'll begin to realize how much have we been giving away all along.
I really wanna feel free and just break away from all the thoughts that I've been having lately. I think I'm getting a little bit drunk on jealousy. I was naive to think that all the effort put in would be worth it in the end. And yet, I was betrayed and just disappointed by the people around me. Maybe it was the high expectations that I've been placing on myself and them, but it just seems a little bit too shocking. It really doesn't feel like I'm 18, when I'm still disappointed about these trivial and small details. But yeah, I should've been happy, but everything just turned out the way that I didn't want it to be this birthday. Maybe the A level stress has been getting into me lately, and everything has been going smoothly just without me acknowledging it. But yeah, I should have expected less. Well, at least I can see my life with greater clarity.
Anyway, I don't know why but I've been getting really weird thoughts lately. Like I'm suddenly obsessed with gamers and all sorts of things when this isn't exactly the right time to think about them. Man. I really wish for time to rewind and for myself to appreciate the entertainment in life more than the little pieces of myself that I've been stupidly giving away. And I've been thinking way too much these days, about the long list of optimistic scenarios that may occur if things go the way they're planned. I look at these people, and they are living by themselves and have owned a car when they're only 22. It seemed like everything is going perfectly planned for them. Sigh. I doubt that I will be like them when I'm 22, because I'll still be studying and suffering from an immense amount of stress. But either way, it's good to dream I suppose.
When we go crashing down.
