"Provoke thought.

Turn things upside down.

Look at things a different way.

Have a little more tolerance than you would ordinarily.

Love a little more,

and feel a little more."

I still get jealous sometimes when I see others posting their happy moments on social media. I feel really happy for them, but the posts make me realize that there are so many things that I haven't experienced even though I want to. Maybe I expected too much from life and maybe, I should re-evaluate my hopes and dreams that are ahead of me. Perhaps things aren't as perfect as what I thought they're going to be.

"I'm all glued back together now.

I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke."

Self respect. Do we show it enough? Do we care for our own just as well as what we expect others to do for us? Sometimes, it's really hard to say yes because of the actions that we commit. There may have been times when a better judgement would lead to a greater conclusion, but did we think of the consequences first before acting? I once chose the classic approach - to face with the problem directly. But no solution was found up till today. And then I chose to run, and it seems to be working. At least I feel free and happier to begin with. Running away seems to be the cowardly choice and it certainly doesn't show that I have self respect for myself. Simply because I didn't put in as much (or even any) hard work in dealing with the challenge as I probably should. And running away may mean that I've simply given up and deprived myself of an opportunity to find a resolution.

Honestly, if I could go back in time and have the opportunity to change everything again, I probably might have done the same thing even with hindsight in mind. Maybe running away seems to be the solution, even when it doesn't solve the problem entirely. At least it releases me from the chains that have bound me for far too long. At least it tells me that I still can be me again, instead of working on how I can change to fit in better. 

What if I could have done things better. I'm pretty sure that my way of handling things isn't perfect, but I've been trying my best in improving what I can (or what I must). Anyway, it has been only a week into my teaching internship and I have already learnt so much. I must say that I had a rough start because the school's like a maze and it's difficult to navigate around. And I don't know why but, I used to have trouble trying to be strict at times and friendly outside the class. I tried working on it last week and I'm glad to say that I have made a significant amount of progress. I smiled more, frowned less and started to talk to the students more. Sometimes, it may seem like a memory because everything that you've done and seen in the past may come up again. Maybe I've been a naughty student once.. but oh well. Maybe's karma's coming back at me for what I have done in the past.. But no matter what, I should probably show more self-respect in the things that I do in the future..

You Happened To Me.

" You're happy? You're happy now? The Meredith I knew was a force of nature. Passionate, focused, a fighter. What happened to you? You've gone soft! Stammering about a boyfriend and saying you're waiting to be inspired. You're waiting for inspiration. Are you kidding me?! I have a disease for which there is no cure. I think that would be inspiration enough! Listen to me, Meredith. Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy! But not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than... ordinary! What happened to you?! " 

- Ellis Grey, Grey's Anatomy, " Wishin' and Hopin' "

Maybe this should be my focus for 2015.

Almost Morning.

When no one understands your breaking ground.

There'll always be days when you find yourself surrounded by darkness and nothing but silence. Maybe I'm just speaking metaphorically, but almost all of us should have had days when we felt all by ourselves - alone and lonely. It is times like these when we ask ourselves, should we continue to brave the storm or succumb to it? Because it'll certainly feel easier to just stop trying and give up everything that you've been working so hard for, especially when you've lost your vision along the way.

But trust me, I know that feeling. It feels like you're tired of everything in life. Tired of fighting, tired of holding on, or even tired of doing nothing at all. Maybe it really feels like there's no one by your side right now. But I can assure you, there are. You may be alone, but you're never lonely even when you're lost in the shadows. Use the darkness as your guide and let the light in. Being alone may not feel like the greatest feeling in the world, but it gives you the opportunity to reflect and find solumn in everything that you do. Once again, let the light in. Because once you have managed to reflect and envision what's up ahead in the tunnel right ahead again, use the darkness to find the light and take it further from there.

You can do it. The night will cover your eyes. Voices will tell you lies. Stones will slow your feet down and circles will turn you around. But the day that you've been waiting for will arrive when the counting ends. So muster a bit of courage and proceed further. Because you may only be slightly away from your goal. Let your heart speak for itself, and you'll know what to do then.

You were ready and you still are. You have all that it takes. And now, you just have to believe in yourself to do the incredible things that you've once imagined.

Just believe me.

15 Revelations for 2015.

1. Plan 3 things (even if they are really simple or tedious) to do everyday. Get them done quickly and to the best of my ability. We live each day only once. Might as well use the days to the fullest.

2. Have an outing with friends and family once a week. It's great to unwind, and notice the people around me more.

3. Walk away from the things that make you upset constantly, and look at the brighter side of life. There's no point looking at things that throw only shades of disappointment and negativity into my life.

4. Develop a weekly routine. Maybe exercise for at least twice a week. Do something to make the weeks pass by more productively.

5. Know at least 15 songs that are outside of the mainstream genre. Maybe I should delve a little deeper into rock, RnB and country genres.

6. Listen to at least 300 new songs in 2015. And maybe learn how to sing at least 10 of them? I haven't been good in karaokes recently...

7. Speak up, or say nothing at all. Things may take a turn for the better if the words are said. But sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.

8. Have a more organized life. This one's a little tricky, because I have been wishing this for years but to no avail. I'll try again and hopefully, I'll have the committment to do so. I'll use Google Calendar more often, and keep my room tidy as much as possible..

9. Say no to the things that I can't commit. Turn away from the temptations when I can't bear the responsibility and consequences. The high is not worth the pain.

10. Be more adventurous. I have been in the safe path for far too long. Perhaps it's because of the experiences and misadventures that I had in the past. But it's been a while for me to recover, and time for me to get out of my shell to explore the greater things in life. Thinking about it, there have been a lot of experiences that I've been missing out on in Singapore.

11. Have at least an hour for myself daily. And this means staying away from my phone or all sorts of digital communication. One hour a day for me to do anything that I want, or possibly can. Even if it means that I'll be stoning in my bed for an hour doing nothing at all. It'll be great to find myself a little bit of peace everyday.

12. Put in more effort in displaying the love/care that I have for the people around me. I've been neglecting a lot of simple things that would mean a lot to others just because of studies. It's time that I spend more time in creating moments with the family and friends around me. I hope that I'll create at least 25 special moments with them this year.

13. Choose my battles wisely. If I wanna go, then go. If I wanna stay, then stay. There's no point wasting time getting stuck in dilemmas, weighing everything on both ends and end up doing nothing at all, literally. Make decisions quickly, and stick to them as much as I possibly can.

14. Maintain close contact with at least 15 friends from my JC life. This one is gonna be tough because all of us are already at crossroads. But I'll make it happen. I know I can.

15. Work on my fashion sense. This one is really difficult because I literally have zero fashion sense and all of my close friends know it. Regardless, I already have a great headstart from my trip to Taiwan and I hope that this momentum will continue to build up.

Thankful.

These two years have really gone by in a flash. I'm still having mixed emotions about them, because I have been through ups and downs many times. I'm really glad that NYJC has molded me to become the person that I am today. I still remember being scarred from past experiences and honestly, I thought that JC life would be a hell lot worse because of its tremendous amount of stress. But I was wrong. NYJC proved me wrong. I'm really thankful that I have chosen to enter this school, because I wouldn't have had that much development and eye-opening experiences if I had been to another. Yes, we place emphasis on studies. But I'm really blessed to be in a school that focuses a lot on its environment. I'm proud to say that I'm from NYJC as I have really enjoyed my stay there.

I would like to thank my friends and teachers. Tuition peepz, Chanan7, 1320, ODAC, Chang, Novus, Dolphin, Novus 1 and all the other friends that I've made through the people I've listed. All of you have played a significant role in molding the person I am today. Thank you for changing my impression of friendships and making the ones I have with all of you valuable. We've been through a lot of shit and I know that I've given you some shit to handle as well. But thank you for staying by my side and supporting me as I embark my journey in JC. I'm pretty sure that all of you are the ones that make me open up and be happier in school. In fact, most of you are the main reasons why I come to school. And now, even though our time together as schoolmates has ended, I really hope that we'll keep in touch in the future no matter where we are, or where we go.

The two years spent here have been eventful. I am truly blessed to be able to participate in so many events in a short period of time. JC1 orientation, Class bonding, being the president of ODAC, taking part in camps, taking up internships, being an orientation group leader and going overseas. Looking back now, I'm really impressed on the number of activities that I have convinced myself to participate in. The experiences that I had were eye-opening and I really hope that I'll be able to encounter similar opportunities in the future as well.

Thank you 2013 and 2014. Here's to another amazing year ahead.