It will never be something better.
I should've thought carefully before going down that route. It was a bad decision, and yet I still did nothing to make amends. I feel stupid, for going down the same route even though I already knew that it was wrong. Regrets. Did I think of them when I proceeded on? I hope that the reason behind this decision is still as convincing as before. It's really too late to turn back now, since the route has faded. There's nothing to guide me back now.
Lies. I've made so many of them to cover up the rationale behind this bad decision. Friendships. I've torn so many of them that it's almost impossible to start anew. Sometimes I really wonder whether coming to NYJC is really the best choice for me to start afresh, to start a new chapter of my life all over again. The environment, teachers and friends I've met over the last 8 months were great. I couldn't have asked for a better replacement. But these memories of the past make me dread going to school. Sometimes I really wonder whether I should have just heeded my Mum's advice and go straight for ACJC. It's far, but it may be better for me even though there are rumors about the social divide there.
Sigh. I should really stop thinking too much. It'll only create problems that never existed in the first place, just like what happened in the past. I should pay closer attention to my surroundings, because my mind's been drifting off someplace else whenever I'm with my friends and even when they're talking to me. I need my mind to be back at Earth whenever I am doing something and not hovering around in some other realm.
Or maybe I should just shut the world out and be left alone. Maybe it'll be better for everyone. I don't wanna inflict hurt anymore. And it's just a matter of time before I do again.
There's no map for me to find my way back anymore.
