Till you put me down.
I feel pretty. Not the beautiful kind on the outside nor the inside, but really dead inside. I feel pretty messed up. It has only been a week since I last blogged and I've already made lots of decisions. Decisions that I know will make me regret sooner or later at one point of my life, when the harsh reality knocks me hard in the head again. I've been working really hard for my promos. Like really hard. The amount of effort put in is so much more compared to Os. I've been clocking in at least 5 hours a day on my revision for the past few weeks. But will it be enough for me to promote, let alone achieve my desired goals? It's no use saying that you feel confident for certain subjects, when you know that your GP sucks real bad. What's worse is that you can't do anything now to improve it. I know the topics that are coming out, but what use will that be? I don't even know my mistakes for that subject, let alone correct them.
I'm pretty much done. I am already losing faith before the battle starts. I feel like giving up, resigning myself to retain this year. There's nothing much that I can do now. Absolutely nothing. I know that things weren't the way they were supposed to be, particularly how sucky my gp teacher is, but I wished that there was something for me to do to change this fact. Something to make me believe that there'll be a rainbow after this storm. Something for me to look forward to. At least, something.
Chemistry and Maths. I feel pretty confident for both of them to get at least a B. But I want so much more.. I want the As, but they seem too far away from me to achieve. Physics has been disastrous. I am really hoping that I'll be able to derive the necessary equations and answer the questions appropriately because passing it seems too unrealistic for me already.
I just hope that the amount of effort put in won't make me regret in the future if I retain.
It's never enough.
