Creep.

I don't belong here.

I can't feel what's real anymore.  Everything seems so surreal. My mind's been drifting off to other places again. Places that it shouldn't be in. I think that I am going insane, for doing the things that make me depressed repeatedly. Something's wrong with me these days. I don't feel me anymore, at least not now.

I'm thinking way too much again. I don't know why this keeps happening, but it has to stop.  I need to remind myself every single time that not everything is within my control. That's one of the main reasons to like growing up, to be accountable to someone else other than yourself and your parents, despite the shit that you'll face. That's because you'll have more control over things and get to worry less about them, since you'll be the one handling them most of the time.

I want moments to sink in, just like how they did in the past. I need to feel real and genuine emotions again. Not those which can be whipped up in a matter of seconds. Crying myself to sleep isn't genuine, especially when you don't know what your tearing for.

Promos are finally over, but I don't really feel the hype. Come to think of it, I feel extremely empty on the inside.  I don't really know what's up with me lately, because my actions and thoughts have been weird. Suicidal thoughts have been coming up in my mind recently. I've been imagining how the world would be a better place without me and wondering who would be there for my funeral if I really do pass away. I feel really disconnected with the world right now. It feels like I'm drifting away from all of my classmates. It seems so sudden to have that social barrier between us whenever I start the conversations. It just feels really awkward these days. I feel unfulfilled, because I don't really know what's the route to take right now especially when the promos are over. There's no goal in mind anymore, and that kinda sucks. There's nothing to work for anymore. 

Even if I am the brokenhearted,
I won't cry, I don't wanna hear goodbye.
But either way I'll be alright.