I need the strength to handle the pressure.
Sometimes I feel lost inside, lost without a sense of direction. I don't really know where I'm headed to, or which path I should take. I'm starting to feel like a robot or an experiment, which only lives to serve a purpose. I've been given lectures on what I should do, because they claim that they know what I want. Yes, I want to have jobs that give me the highest practical returns. Jobs with high incomes. But I don't want to work with a career that I have absolutely no interest in. I can't believe that I've actually said yes to attending a computer programming course. They don't get it, no matter what I say. I like being the consumer, but not the producer. I don't wanna be the one under fire for all the weird IT things. But yeah, I couldn't say no. And now my holidays are as busy as hell. I'm kinda looking forward for the work attachment programme, but I hate it when my CCA teachers give me a shit load of work to do. And worst of all, I don't even know whether the proposals will become reality at the end of the day, because they've been backing out from it at the last moment.
Anyway, my parents just came home from their two-week Europe trip and I'm glad that they chose to travel during this period even though I'm still kinda angry at them for not bringing me along. It's like my life have been so filled with PW that I spend only minimal amount of time at home. And even when I'm home, there's always some PW assignments to complete. There's not even enough time for me to rest, let alone interact with them, during the submission of wr period. OP seems pretty relaxing for my group, because almost everything is already completed by the first dry run. But still, I'm pretty pissed off with some of my groupmates. It's like, the actual OP is only a few days away and she books all of her weekends just to study with her boyfriend to motivate him for his As. And there's this guy who have been practically slacking throughout the entire PW cycle. Sigh. The only reason why I like my PW sessions so much is because it's usually with my two other groupmates and we usually crap a lot, but at least we get our things done.
It's kinda cool bringing them to my house for PW, because the amount of fun that they bring to my home is enormous. They remind me of the things in my neighbourhood that I usually take for granted, like having a park right below my house, a swimming complex just 5 min away and having like 4 coffee shops/hawker centres that sell the most amazing food and the infamous "dick" rice (only 1320 gets this). I wonder why I used to hate bringing people to my house in the past if I had known that it would have been this fun. The koi bets, the teasing and the phone hacking.
Moving on, I've signed up to be an OGL! I don't really know whether my application would be accepted because I am not really a high person, but I hope that I'm given a chance to be one! I'm hoping that I don't screw up and that my OG would be as bonded as Chanan 7 ^^. Man. I kinda miss all of them. They were like the first 20 friends in NYJC and I'm like only keeping in touch with 3 of them, even though our WA group is still quite active. Gotta plan an outing for all of us to meet up again, after Nithya and Hong Jin finish their As!
Oh yeah, and November is cominggg. Can't wait for the month to actually arrive! It's going to be a relaxing once OP ends and there will be many more opportunities to hang out with my family and friends! And this also means that I'll be 17 soon! Haha. Can't wait for the day to come!
Hmmm. It's kinda late, so I guess I'll be signing off now. Adios!
I can see the heavens,
but I hear the flames calling out my name.
