Is there anything to put me back on the map?
If you could make a choice, which path would you take? The road to the light, or the one that leads to darkness? Many would pick the road to light. Many would choose this path because they would want to be able to see the things that they want. But me? I'll choose the path to darkness.
They say darkness is due to the absence of light. But I don't believe so. I want to be able to see the things that I want. But I don't want to be able to see everything. I'd rather be blinded with darkness and hope for the best to happen, instead of meeting the harsh reality to know that someone/something has stabbed you hard at your back. This is because even when I'm hurt, I'll still continue this impression that it's just my enemy that's inflicting damage to me, and not my friends. To be granted with the light to see spoils this impression. It dampens the mood when the 'unexpected' happens. I choose to be ignorant of my surroundings, because I know that I'll be happy. At least for now, if it can't last forever.
Darkness brings fear. And fear is good, because that means that you still have something to lose. Something that is still worth to you. And that means that even when you're at the lowest point of your life, or even at your breaking point, there's still something to hold on to. Someone to count on, when your world's crashing down at your feet.
When you're living in darkness, there's much to be expected. Maybe that's the reason why I've changed so much. Maybe that's the reason why I choose to be oblivious to my surroundings. The reason why I choose to be a dreamer, instead of a do-er. Of course, if you're living in this kind of life, it's good to have faith in something. Faith that everything is going to be alright again.
But I don't. I tried to believe in something, but it didn't work out for me. I only believe in my senses. I only place my faith on things that I can see, touch and feel. Maybe seeing is deceiving, but that is all I got. Something practical to rely on when all else fails.
It sucks only to be the second choice. To be only remembered when you are needed for something and be forgotten when there's something better out there. Maybe it's because of the things I did, but I hate what I'm seeing/hearing right now. I feel left out, from the group that I used to be in. But I can't do anything about it. I deserve feeling this way, for everything that I've done. How I wished I could have my voice back, to say my own opinion about things. But I guess I'm at no position now. Sucking it all up seems to be the only option remaining.
Sometimes what we're going through is just a mere a illusion of the real battle we're fighting.
