Am I taking this way too far?

It seems like I'm about to make the same mistake twice.

But I can't afford to pay the consequences that it brings once more.
I'm running out of second chances.

I honestly think that bad experiences truly shape a person's character. We do something wrong, engulf ourselves with as much negativity as we possibly can, reflect, change the way we do things and then wash, rinse and repeat. I think that the bad experiences have changed the way how I perceive life. I have learnt not to trust wholeheartedly, not to care too much about others and just mind my own business. There's little to no point in trying to show care and concern to others when one wrong move (even with the greatest intentions) can strangle you with a whole lot of problems. More often than not, these problems arise because of the way we speak to others. Sure, the oral form of communication can be said to be a form of art, but it really takes skill to master this art. And even so, even the proficient ones may succumb to the flaws of humanity. I've done mistakes like these before, perhaps because I've forgotten the ability to express myself clearly to others. And that just leads me to my second point - minding your own business. There are many things in life that can be expressed a million times better if we said nothing at all. In my previous years, I've talked about speaking up and how I should have spoken then. Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe the mistake that I've made is that I've spoken up, just not enough. But how much is enough? How much significance can you bring to a topic before it's classified as 'enough'? That's why I'm starting to learn to speak nothing at all. There are some, in fact many, things in life that can be expressed more beautifully if we simply said nothing at all. Maybe right from the start, if I didn't raise my concerns or opinions on things, things wouldn't have even happened. Maybe that's the attitude that I should develop in life. Less is more and speaking nothing is crucial in life. We should mind our own business and fulfil our own responsibilities and obligations, without bothering about other people that are beyond our loved ones.

I'm sorry for developing a more cynical point of view in life because I've been molded to be this way. It just feels like a shame whenever you think of the things that you could've done with other people and then you're reminded with the disappointment and the number of upset that you have faced because of these people. I talked about not getting excluded and I honestly thought that we'll have a chance at being a great group of friends. I used to raise my head up high and tell my friends in Novus about what I thought I thought of you guys. But it turns out that when the year started out again, maybe my expectations had fell short or I was simply oblivious to the things around me for a while. I think it's better to develop an attitude of positive marking, just like some teachers who grade our scripts. There shouldn't be any expectation given to anybody around you. And if someone surprises you, give them the merit of having so as they may be the friends that you should keep. Stop comparing with the people around you, because life doesn't prevent you from making more than a certain number of friends. But for those who have disappointed you, remember them and the mistakes that they have made. Recall similar incidents and try to fit in the associated acts that they may commit too. I guess it's all about safety precautions. If they're not going to be your true friends, or even friends who you think will keep in contact after a few years, then there's no point in keeping them or trying to do so. I have always thought that making fake friends would be better than having no friends. And I was wrong. Fake friends bring disappointment and everything but contentment. I honestly find a need to rethink about all of my friends that I've made and classify them correctly. Yes, to human is err and I have committed many (major) errors during the course of my short lifetime, but I should develop the mindset that likewise is expected from me too, so that I don't feel that much negativity flowing through my veins. I think that I really need to reflect on every aspect of my life and shut as many negativity that I have embraced or relented in the past.

Maybe I should just show my care and concern to the people whom I think will be there for me in the future. They may be just a handful out of 24 students (as an example), or an entire group, but I think that I'll be able to be more content living my life with these people instead of keeping myself busy from appeasing the many fake friends that I have today.

I'm really sorry if this post has changed your impression of me in any way.