You know what, I think I'm a annoying person in everyone's eyes now. My only hope was to start a conversation, and all I receive back were just one word answers. I guess that maybe I should just shut up. I know that some of you are really nice to say that I'm not disturbing you, but it doesn't really hurt saying the truth out right? At least it's better than the things that people reply me nowadays.
I guess she was right. I need to seriously mind my own business, and do what I want to do. There shouldn't be anymore distractions around me. It's time for me to focus, as this is the final lap of this year's race. (not counting the 'O' levels) I should totally buck up right now. Look at me, I've just wasted a day of my weekend, knowing that I'll be going out tomorrow.
So, for once, Ima make a promise to myself. I will wake up at 6am tomorrow and start revising through my work, and this is my first time, excluding the times that I woke up early because of other official reasons.
Anyway, I was thinking about all the friendships that I have with others. Are they really genuine? Or are they just as transparent as water, fills you up but never stays, and that it's only good to wash away today. I really hope that people start making decisions more conscientiously and quickly. There's seriously no point dragging this when I know that you're going to turn me down already.
About all the things that I've mentioned earlier in my previous posts, I've pondered about them for a while. Maybe I was wrong to have wronged you in the past. Maybe you were truthful to me all these while, just that I was blinded by some obstacles that I face, or even worse, my personal emotions. I guess I've been manipulating myself too much, trying to avoid the emotions that I don't want to face any longer. I think they're all coming back to me right now.
Sigh. how I wished that there would be things like 'Right Here, Right Now', where we would abandon the universe, know that our world will change and that things would never be the same. I think I'm going to blow up like some maniac soon. The worse part? I can't even figure out the main reasons that caused my emotions to be like that. I can only recall the bits and pieces of the past, but not the entire scenario.
As what some people know by now, I wish to have long hair, so that I can cover my eyes and refrain myself from knowing things that I don't want to see at all. I want to be an ostrich, an animal that buries its head deep into the sand in hope of avoiding the situation that it's facing now.
I run, because I can't hide from the facts.
It felt so right, but it felt so wrong at the same time.
I feel so empty inside,
and it's going to be endless.
I've been giving up on people too easily.It sucks to be me right now.
If they don't call, if they don't try - then I don't.
It's not fair to lay the blame on them when I don't calling either.
I'm just as much at fault.
I've got a lot of resentment for old friends - for letting me go without a fight.
I just want someone to call and say,
'I missed you. How are you?'
I just want to call someone and say,
'I missed you. I'm sorry.'
I want to be brave enough to stay in one place.
-http://runawaytrain.tumblr.com
