I throw all your stuff away,
and I throw you out my heart.

That's a downright lie. I can't believe this is happening once again. My emotions within are killing me, tearing my heart out for you. I don't really know what to say anymore. If only time could rewind and start everything anew once more. Maybe I'll lose some of my good friends, and maybe I'll gain some too. But there's this part within me that doesn't allow me to leave those that are really close to me. Like in Term 3, it was filled with regret and sorrow, even though I was the one who initiated it at first. Things were so close, yet so far away at the same time.

Maybe it didn't turn out as badly as what I had expected at first. It's already Term 4 now, and the feelings remain the same. One of them already noticed something's wrong with me, and I'm not sure why I'm not willing to tell her the other bits and pieces of my story. Sigh.. Maybe it's just me being too afraid to encounter incidents that are similar to the past once again. I'm just too afraid to breakdown and lose myself again in the process once more.

I'm already the president in choir for 2 terms already. I just don't feel attached to it, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just me holding back, or it's just that there're many sides of people that are in choir, and it makes me feel insecure just knowing them as friends. They may seem friendly, but I'm afraid that they're all superficial. That's the reason why I hate my CCA so much. Because they're not (going to be) as friendly as the many friends that I have now, and that it really sucks going there to see people's faces and trying to improve things that aren't gonna change forever. I'm starting to lose hope in myself, and in whatever that I do.

What makes a close friend? To me, they're those that understand every single action/movement that I take, and can see right through me in whatever that I do. That's what that matters. People that don't make me feel pissed off and angry whenever I see their faces, and those that I would forgive easily despite the severity of their mistakes.

I was supposed to be a quitter at first, until this person stepped into my life last year and changed 80% of my life, even if he doesn't notice it.

I'm a lightweight.
Easy to fall,
Easy to break.
With every move my world shakes,
to keep me from falling apart.


You should be careful with whatever that you say.
Because words seem amplified to me,
regardless of what they mean.
Words can simply blow me away,
and take control of my heart,
along with my character.
That's how fragile I am.