Eyes make their meet in difficulties,
With wounded lips and salted cheeks.
I honestly wish you stayed. Looking back now, I can't believe that I have managed to survive the past 2 years living with this regret of not trying to make things right, or at least have a closure. I told a lie today, just to cover up the truth. It wasn't her that I was missing. It was you. I don't know why, but a wave of regret never fails to hit me hard whenever I see your name appear. Has the feeling returned? I'm not really sure. All I know now is that I'm missing your company. You were literally the only friend I had in my entire life who truly understood me. You saw right through me, no matter how I tried to cover things up and make everything seem okay. Damn. I'm sorry for everything that I've done. I know that you probably will not visit this blog again, but if you do, you should know who you are. Maybe it's just me having this one-sided talk with myself, convincing myself hopelessly that you'll return. But the truth of the matter is, I'm probably casted away from your memories already. You stopped fighting when I wanted you continue, or maybe because I didn't even give you a chance to have a proper closure in the first place. Now, I can no longer press the erase and rewind button because nothing I do can change what happened, and will perhaps also give you a wrong idea of me. There's literally no reason for us to talk now. Sigh. There's no way of fixing a timebomb that had already exploded. A timebomb that I never discovered. I regret taking you for granted. Maybe it was you who made me play on the safe side; to mind my words whenever I talked, in case I said some things that I shouldn't have said. Maybe it was because of you that made me treasure my friends more. But it still feels really different without you. The days when we talked about everything under the sun and shared what made us down everyday.
Sigh. There's no point talking about all this now when I'm just a merely someone who has already been forgotten. I wish you stayed, but I'm also glad that you've moved on. Even if you stayed, you'll walk away again. And I know that I won't be able to survive another farewell, and will never forgive myself for what I have done. Salted cheeks. That happens whenever I think about what could have remained if I controlled myself. Perhaps you're the only one who managed to take parts of me away. Sigh. If only I could remove this feeling of mine completely.
Perhaps a feeling that keeps coming back, is a feeling that never left.
