but you make the war seem like such an easy game.
Because at the end of the day, no matter how much you try to run or hide from the truth, you'll still find yourself back at square one, facing the inevitable truth that you've been escaping all along. Maybe I've made things to complicated, but I was right. I deserved everything that happened to me. Even though I've shed a lot of tears and bled out a lot, I've become stronger. Perhaps it's just me developing a stone heart, but I've learnt an important lesson. To not give a shit about anything anymore. Recovery. That's what I needed, and I had it. I'm still going through it now, and I'm glad that I seized the chance to seek closure before it's too late. It went better than expected, didn't it? I was preparing myself for another round of self-torment again for thinking about what I did in the past, but it turns out that I was wrong.
I've managed to let go completely. Turns out that the feeling that lingered, was just the friendship. I've managed to move on to the next chapter of my life completely, without being stuck in the past anymore even though there'll still be times when I'll think back and remember everything that happened. I managed to move on. I can feel my recovery, and I'm really hoping that it isn't a placebo effect. I'm opening my eyes and letting it be free. Everything's been left behind, and I guess the only direction to go is forward now.
I think that I've grown a lot more this year than last year. I've managed to set my priorities straight so far, even though I'm lagging behind my study plans these few days, but at least I did the best I could to study for my Block Tests. It may not be my best performance, with all the exam panic and unexpected things that happened, but I'm ready to face the music. I'm ready to embrace and accept what I don't know, and the flaws that I keep having in my studies. I know that there may be a point in time when I am forced to downgrade a subject to a lower level, and I'm hoping that I'm given more time in deciding. Even though I detest mugging for the 4 content-heavy subjects that I'm learning right now, I can't seem to make a clear choice of what to drop, if needed. Maybe it's the change in teachers that I have this year, but everything seems pretty good now. Even if I don't manage to score within my expectations, I know that it's just a one-time off thing, since we weren't exactly given a lot of time to study for it.
Anyway, I guess things have been pretty quiet so far, even though I wished for more time for me to rest and recover. Well, I've just realized that it has been ages since I've last posted something optimistic. So I guess I'ma leave this post on a positive note.
You make it all better.
