Reflections of Emotions.

Everybody's laughing in my mind.
Rumors spreadin' 'bout this other guy.
Do you do what you did when you did with me.
Does he love you the way I can?
Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?
Cause baby I didn't.

That should be me holding your hand.
That should be me making you laugh.
That should be me this is so sad.
That should be me feeling your kiss.
That should be me buying you gifts.

This is so wrong,
I can't go on.
'Till you believe,
That that should be me.

Last night I heard my own heart beating.
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs.
Six months gone and I'm still reaching.
Even though I know you're not there.
I was playing back a thousand memories baby.
Thinkin bout everything we've been through.
Maybe i've been going back too much lately.
When time stood still and I had you.

Come back to me in like,
You would you would if this was a movie,
Stand in the rain outside til I came out.
Come back to me in like,
You could you could if you just said you're sorry.
I know that we can work it out somehow,
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now.

I am trying not to tell you.
But I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say.
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling,
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head.

I just can't take it.
My heart is racing.
Emotions keep spinning out.

Thanks to those people who tried to cheer me up this week :D

- Matthew
- Edmund
- Rowena
- Joyce
- Joy
- Hui Fang
- Gregory
- Clare
- Louis
- Jue Ying


I really appreciate it! :D. Guess my little secret's gonna bust soon right?

It's been an emotional week for me anyway.
With so many things going on at the same time.
Mixed emotions, I guess.
But I managed to bond with more people,
isn't that a good thing?
But I just need to concentrate on classes.
And HCL is pretty stressful for me.
It's like midnight right now.

I wanna sleep,
but I keep thinking of you.
Finally had the courage to say something,
but I guess you didn't reply.

When will this end D:?

Time seemed to pass by quickly yesterday,
But slowly today.
Gosh,
What's happening to me D:.
I'm feeling like depressed for the whole of this week.
He says that I'm obsessed.
But I'm not sure what I'm doing.
It's about 7 days away.
I don't know what to do.
And all those tests coming up.
I wanna bottle my feelings somewhere.
But I can't seem to find the right person.
And furthermore, I don't think I'm that close to anyone in my class.
Maybe I have some..
But I feel a sense of insecurity telling them stuff.
And one that is busy doing other things,
I don't want to like talk about my stuffs,
while I help that person.
Sigh.
There's so many things going on.
And I can't do anything.

Sometimes I wanna tell them,
but They seem occupied telling other details.
And I still feel that sense.
I'm really disappointed with myself.
They've been close friends,
but I think they won't understand.

I think I've really changed a lot.
It's time to stop fooling around and start to concentrate!
Even though I tried to drown myself with homework,
It doesn't work.

Anyway, I bought a white pen today (:.
Hopes it manages to help me note down my feelings on notes and stuff.
And that people can't see it :D.
I bought an album yesterday too,
glad to say that it managed to cheer me up for a day.
But as I listened to some songs in my playlist,
I nearly broke down to tears.

This isn't logical, yet there's no explanation for it.
I feel jealous, and sad.
7 days more.
And that's all I have to plan.

Teardrops on My Guitar.

Sigh. Sorry for the late update. Been busy all along, INCLUSIVE of the March Holidays! Gosh, this is horrible. Suddenly this song pops into my mind and I've been thinking about it all night long.

Anyway, Recap over the Holidays (:.

Saturday and Sunday : Was busy Playing computer. Yeah, I was too lazy to blog and I needed to have my own private time you know ^^. Anyway, bonded back with MP once more (:. It's like super fun playing games once more since like last touching it for almost 5 months ago? Haha :D.

Monday : Went to school to prepare camp stuff along with my two daughters! :D. Gosh, we had to handle the timeslots, groupings, and all the various stuffs that can happen in a camp! Then prepared the answers to Miss Tan's questions to the games! Gosh, and we had to decide on the songs! Anyway, Miss Tan came in a little late and that we had to wait for her. Sigh, discussed about the camp and then we went for lunch at around 3pm? It was Jack's Place at Nex! Pretty good impression on them at first. But honestly, food served after 45 minutes is not up to my satisfaction! And they do not perform the good culinary skills that they had before in the previous branches that I had visited in the past! In summary, it was a complete disappointment. Rowena said that her baked rice smelled and tasted like vomit. Too bad I couldn't try xD.

Went around Nex to search for the materials needed for the camp, and bought the bitter tea to treat my cough :D. After that I home-ed and rested.

Tuesday : Went to school earlier because of the camp facil briefing. Sigh, me having a bad cough and just recovering from a fever? And plus Rowena and Julianna were not there. So I just briefly discussed the games to them, and give them a general idea of what the camp should be about. And then the Sec 2's had a case of the missing markers! And we found it in the cupboard where they were placed somewhere else. The dance comm members looked for us, and gosh. I had so many things to do, and I was not feeling well.

Skipped choir practice and went for tuition instead. And no, its not a good thing. I had to sit in an air-conditioned room for 4 hours and it's Chinese!! Gosh, and it is mainly focusing on the possible newspaper article questions for Composition and ESP the Oral component. Honestly speaking, I did not know that the questions that they raise are going to be so difficult! But after the Principal's guidance, I managed to improve (:.

Wednesday : I spent this entire day resting at home, and preparing for camp stuff.

Thursday : Start of Choir Camp (:. Gosh, went there earlier to prepare the remaining props and materials. But Joyce and Rowena didn't turn up. Oh well, I just have to do them myself (:. And the Sec 2s came in early too! They were doing the decorations for the choir room (:.
And hoho, when the camp begins, all the trouble starts.
When Rowena came in, she said that the songs were not able to put into her thumbdrive respectively and that I had not finish my clues that I was supposed to do that morning! And we kinda had an argument with one another. And she was like complaining that she could not have fun during the camp after all the hardwork and was indirectly pointing at me. Yeah, I know it's like kinda my fault, but I had much more stuff to do than her! And its like they're not making it even better.

Anyway, flag making for them is like preparation period for us (:. I managed to finish the clues on time which had lead to another disaster. Sighh.

Amazing Race was the Next program. Everyone managed to solve the first clue, and they had a fun game of dog-and-bone. But for the second clue onwards, the fiasco begins. They could not even solve the clue for their next location. When all teams were in dilemma, they were like looking for me. And Miss Tan kinda scolded me for that. And now she wanted me to give them the answers for the clues so that they'll be able to complete all the station on time. But my point is, isn't Amazing Race supposed to be not completed? Sigh. And then things turned out the other way, where one team had completed all the stations earlier than expected. But it wasnt too long before the time deadline anyway (:.

Walking around finding people was a hassle for me, especially when I was sick. Thanks to those people who can see my pale, tired face, and still had to walk around to give you all the answers. :D. Really appreciate it much.

Lunch Time! It wasn't really considered a lunch. It was not appealing to us honestly. Anyway, had a discussion about what to do during the camp with the camp committee.

Preparation of Mock Adjudication : We prepared the classrooms on the second floor as venues for the schools that are coming over for an exchange programme (:. And I managed to find some homework underneath my table :D. Finished earlier than expected, and everyone had a good rest!

Soon, we had this choral workshop which was totally COOL! We invited this trainer named Miss Anna to help in our choir. She had really amazing ways to teach us the techniques on how to sing the song more expressively, and that she really brought out the desired sound that Mr Ong wanted for a long time. PS. She's the exact opposite of Mr Ong.

When she meant chest up, she said:

Breasts Out.

And this choral workshop was interesting, fun and meaningful.

Soon, we had a concert to compare our choir with the other choirs. Honestly, I find the choirs that performed were out of tune, and something felt wrong during the concert. Although boring, we managed to learn some skills that the other choirs had. And soon, we were the last choir to perform. Sigh. The air-condition was chilling cold. Although we did averagely well, Mr Ong said that it was not as good as that afternoon.

Dinner Time! : Finally some meat! :D. The camp committee members wolfed down their food to attend a briefing with the Dance committee for the Nightwalk. Sigh, took quite long to understand what the Dance committee wants! And I was supposed to do stations with my daughters, but I got transferred to do with Fangling! It's alright! I'm fine with both! :D.

Anyway, Nightwalk Time! The people took so long to come out, and I watched Joyce and Rowena scare the band people ^^. So cool right? And I heard them scream. My station was to hide the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle so that the people can find them. But it's like so simple!! but Fangling went to scare them xD. Haha! Cool right? And I'm like the person who cannot scare people xD. I'm the Passive Ghost. I pretend to be angry also very hard :/.

Slammed the table to signal Fangling to scare them xD. And my hand ALWAYS hurts while doing so. And some groups found it fast, while other groups found it slower. Anyway, it's quite meaningful eh??

After the nightwalk, it was shower time for the choir members and the camp comm members will have to pack their stuffs. And I bathed like 12 midnight? Hehe. Anyway, I was staying awake all night to do amazing race stuff. ( ever since that clue error ). And my camp comm was doing night patrol! They asked me out to do with them! And they ate chips and we chit-chat a lot! :D. Then me and Fangling did night duty until like 2am? And we went to sleep. But I couldn't, cause my cough was REALLY bad.

Friday : Rise and Shine! Everyone assembled at the Music Room 3! And i think no one was late, but it's alright :D. Anyway, we did running~~ and gosh i was breathless cuz of my cough. Could not stand it anymore. And then BREAKFAST!

After breakfast, we had choir practice!~ Not bad eh? But i was like sitting behind cuz of my cough, but sometimes the sops need me as Rowena, me and Felicia were sick. So I sang at parts of the song :D. And Mr Ong was worried that I broke my voice!! AH~

Lunch Time : Gobbled up my food before preparing myself for Amazing Race part 2 . Need to brief many people about what to do! And make sure the time constrains are solved! :D. Anyway, the starting time was delayed by like 30 minutes! So we prepared every material needed and the camp comm people went to their stations. Afterwards, I gave their first clue to all groups! Hehe. And then I realised that the hall is being taken up, and that I need to redo my clues! Sigh, so I kept walking around to find groups to ensure that they're not lost! ^^.

Watched them play Hai-Dai for a while. Camp Comm people cant really enjoy the games you know ):. And then made sure that the station masters are treating the groups properly, and there was this issue, and thankfully I did my rounds, or groups will have to be stuck there forever. And after like 2h ++? The grand finale came (:. Captain's Water Bomb! Everyone was playing Captain's ball but with a water bomb as a ball! :D. THE IRONY! :D. Anyway, this game really requires more skills and co-ordination to score points! And after the game, We had a water bomb fight with the remaining water bomb. Some people even dared to throw at Miss Tan :DD.

I THREW AT HARRY! but he avenged by shooting water with his waterbottle at me xD. Gosh, thankfully I was not that wet~. After that, we all assembled back to music room for debrief and we went to have a break/ preparation for the Nanyang Concert ^^. And off we went! But the dinner was quite okay! BUT THE FEAST WAS CANCELLED ):. Sigh, gotta wait after the SYF!!

And we boarded the bus! :D. Wanted to sleep, but saw that Amos Yee hit the newspapers! OMG.

Nanyang Concert! It was super hilarious! And I really had a nice bonding time with my juniors (:. HUIFANG, You know what I mean right?? BUT ME NO CURVY!! :D. And YiJie, me, Karin with the Apple Juice, and Karin brought french fries, and then people started to snatch my phone, then threatened to get my camera! Ahhh~~

But I gotta say something! I LOVE YOU ALL :D.

Anyway, more technical stuff. I find that the concert was pretty bad. Especially the Acapella group. They were badly out of tune! And I know that Mr Ong's choir was performing Ave Verum Corpus! I really anticipated that it would be a good performance, but the Sops were sharp! It's okay, not that sharp but still sharp! Sigh, the good old times!.

I miss Mr Francis Liew, and my Primary School all of the sudden. I guess I left too many good memories behind..

Went back to school, and was talking to Jia Hui and Huifang (:.

And upon arriving, it was time for me to go! But before that, I was tallying up the scores for the points system! :D I'm a responsible OIC you know.. :D

Then my mum arrived! :D

HOME SWEET HOME~

Saturday:
Spent the whole time doing homework :/

Sunday:
Spent the whole time doing homework, and maybe playing xD.

Well, that's my post for the holidays! There will be another post coming up soon! :D. It's like 12.34 am now.. Gotta sleep. :D Nights world!

After the camp,
I realised that the friendship between me and my daughters became further apart.
Sigh,
I hope that this can be fixed.
But I'll do my best (:.
And I thought of you in the camp.
Wanted to text/call you.
But I guess I didn't have the guts to do so.

I still don't know whether its still an infatuation.
3 months already.
But I guess I have to hold on.
And I would say honestly,
I was heartbroken regarding the response of that object.
But I know you're more heartbroken than me.
Although I don't understand your problems,
I just hope that you can smile once more (:

Despondent.

Hello people! I'm back to blog! It's been a week or so ehh ^^. It's March already! Can't believe it. Time really flies so fast~. Sigh, been busy with the usual stuff like Choir Camp and my studies. And I'm still behind my homework by loads!! Sigh.

Choir Practice. How would I phrase it. Last week Sectionals was not even successful. Hope I can change things this Wednesday! Anyway, I realised that I was too late in some stuff, and I have to catch up in my homework and my Friendship with some people ^^.

Anyway, if you're viewing this :

MORTAL! I MISS YOU SO BADLY D:. I wanna catch up with you and write letters once more xD!

Loads of things have been going around. And all that I have to say is that I'm shocked. Like Literally Shocked. Can't people see that I disliked being called that name? Stop irritating me :/. Things are really turning for the worst. How I wished that I can tell people like whatever I want to tell them. My true words. But I just can't. The people I trust the most aren't exactly in the same class. And that I've been really relying alot on Edmund, and he never fails to cheer me up.

Someday I will write down everything on a piece of paper.

Avril's album is already out! But I guess I shan't buy it until Britney's one come out too! HMV haven't called me D:. And I don't want to go back and forth collecting a CD each journey. It's quite inconvenient. D:.

Well, just finished my Bio journal. And have to reach school early to discuss HCL poems! Nighty Nights everyone :D.

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you.
And maybe turning my head would be much easier.
Cause hurtful words are that all we exchange,
but I couldn't bear for you to walk away.

I can't live to learn without,
And I can't give up on us now.
Get Well Soon (:

You,
I thought that you can be trusted.
But I guess you have to tell somebody right?
Who knows what will happen next.
Stop with your gl-ness please.
I don't want to suddenly explode.
Sometimes I ponder whether it was a good thing to have met you in the first place.

P.S I'm showing signs of depression.

You make me feel like a hummingbird.

Hello guys! Gosh, its been a tiring week! After common tests and now choir stuff has arrived at the top priority of my list! Choir camp! What can I say? Extremely tiring?

Sigh, many of us are breaking down now. Some for the right reasons, and some for things that can be avoided, but we could not do so. There has been too much stress. And that we three couldn't handle it. I just hope that we would be able to survive these tides of darkness, and help out each other as much as we can. But sometimes its just so hard, seeing that other people won't listen to you. Yet you know that you must do your part.

Showed Miss Tan the proposal for camp. It was quite okay I guess? Though she rejected a couple of ideas, but I think it can be a great success! Sigh. I think I would do the groupings sometime this week! :D. Anyway, Mr Ong said that Sops are having effective sectionals and are improving by leaps and bounds! :D. I feel extremely delighted, but I know I should not be over confident!

Gotta invent some new ways to guide my section this Wednesday! Wish me luck xD.

It seemed like just yesterday that I've just met you.
I missed the blur look in your face.
I missed everything.
Guess it's all gone now.

Looks like I've really done it this time.
You won't even talk to me.
Sometimes i wanna start a conversation,
but you would just answer back in a simple manner.
Why is it so hard to tell the truth?
Sometimes I wouldn't want to regret about what I've done.
But it's never that easy.
I want to tell you the truth,
But you've been avoiding me.
Including the times that we should be together doing stuff.

It's never gonna turn out alright.
It's not gonna be that easy.
Was it a bad decision that I've made?
To make myself suffer and face this?
I didn't want to,
but I guess Love was Blind.
I keep telling myself its just a crush.
But it's just not going away.

Everytime I think of you,
I would feel like everything is drained from me.
I suddenly become emotional,
no matter where I am or what am I doing.
Some have realised this problem in me.
I want to tell the truth,
but it still hurts whether its right or wrong.
I don't wanna be double-faced in school,
but I guess all the activities are forcing me to.
Please talk to me.
It may be one word, one sentence or a text message.
But it will brighten up my day.
I miss you.

I'm mentally exhausted,
yet Frustrated at myself.

Why does things have to go this way?
I'm just disappointed with myself.
Let's face some facts here.
I'm just a freaking coward.
I should get things right in the right way,
and not wrong in the right ways.
As though as I want to,
I guess its a mutual thing.
Forcing you won't help much either.

It was just a simple gift,
yet accompanied with something more sophisticated.
You won't even text me anymore.
Or even reply me sometimes T.T.
I don't want my workload to be affected by this.
But whenever I think of you,
it just really makes me really emotional.

How I wish time traveled back to January.
The time when I would tell myself not to fall for you.
And we would still have that playful conversation everytime we speak.
Now it's getting more and more awkward.
I feel like passing notes to you in secrecy.
But I guess there'll be no more opportunities left.

I want to call you now.
But I just don't have the courage to do so.
I wanna tell you how I feel,
but I'm afraid that I'll make things even worse.
If you're reading this,
I would say that I'm sorry for whatever I've done.
Including making you to trace that person down.

It was such an eruption

Got back my E Maths paper today. So glad that I got perfect score! I must keep it up :D. Haha!
Anyway, I felt that I did badly for the double papers today. Sigh. My Chem is gone! And I studied so hard for it! Hope that I can maintain an A2 at least?

And for Geography.
What should I say? That I expected a failure, or that I would do extremely badly.
My heart did not collapse when I saw the paper.
Guess I really predicted it right this time.

Anyway, Choir tomorrow, and me is going to buy present! :D

And!! Having Biology test tomorrow! Wish me luck xD. And Erm, getting back 3 papers tomorrow? All of which I have the least confidence for. Especially HCL. After hearing the scary news.

Guess what, A Hummingbird is only about 10cm! OMG SO CUTE! I want to raise one and measure its heartbeat rate! :D. ( Or maybe replace its heart with mine! ). It can really beat like some Disco drum~. Or EVEN FASTER!

Okay, gotta sleep now! Nights!

I Know You Know.
It was Awkward talking to you today.