Lights go down.

Damn these walls.

In the moment we're ten feet tall.

It's not like a stab wound you can protect me from.
It's a million little paper cuts everyday.
- Alec Lightwood, City of Lost Souls

Who am I to reprimand when I can't even heed the advice myself. They say that time heals everything, but who am I kidding? I heeded that advice like a naive kid. Left all these wounds for time to heal. Left everything the way they were then. Turns out they were wrong. I feel stupid for placing my faith in time. It can't possibly heal everything, at least not in time. I regret the decisions I've made. What if I took the initiative and continued to look deeper into the situation. What if I took the extra step to ensure this entire friendship won't crumble into pieces. All these 'what ifs' are useless now. It feels terribly awful to see someone as close as a brother fade out from your life. It's even worse to know that nothing you're capable of doing will be good enough to even patch things up again. He was closer to me than my biological brother, but things changed. I regret pulling off that move that day. It's all my fault, but I can't do a single thing to go back in time and turn it back around. 

These scars. They still hurt. They hurt a lot.

To be honest, I don't know whether I truly like you or not. I don't know whether I'm just using you as a tool for my wounds to heal. I just can't set my mind straight right now. All I know is that the sight of you makes me happy. You make me feel really happy, even if it's my brain's playing tricks on me. I don't know whether I should fight this uphill battle or not, because I seem to be at a disadvantage right now. I don't want things to turn out the way they ended up before. I wanna take it slow, but I can't trust time anymore. It sucks being at a loss right now.

I should have seen it coming.

Should have seen it running a long, long time ago.