One Word Can Mean Everything.

ADVANCE PAPERS THIS WEEK. I HAVENT STARTED STUDYING SERIOUSLY.

It's been ages since you last did that to me.
It seemed like you're blaming me for everything that goes wrong.
Please don't tell me indirectly or behind my back that I'm not doing my job.
Sometimes I feel like shouting so hard at you,
but it feels so heartbreaking.
Things are turning out worse every single day.
I wished the times that we would talk,
and now we would have this silent war between us.
I knew it,
I shouldn't have done it.
You replied my text today,
but I felt a tinge of anger from you while doing so.
Great,
I lost something today.
Anyway, that thing is still in front of me.
Wrapped.
I feel like clawing it apart and tearing the card apart.
But this just kills me.

Before the happy times, we were like strangers in the street.
After the happy times, we were close friends.
After the storm, looks like the bridge between us had collapsed.

Whoever said that beauty on the inside is a liar.

Exams are coming this week! Sigh, sorry for not blogging for so long! D:. Anyway, there are like many things to post for me, but I still get this sense of insecurity!

Things may turn out to be a bumpy ride,
But I just want to be a treble and you can be my bass (:

Brought loads of stickies to school nowadays. And gosh, I'm getting a little to complacent. My bio and A Maths results are terrible! Gotta buck up (:.

Now the Sec 4 seniors are gone. Will really miss them loads. D:.

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times,
I told you everything,
You know my feelings,
It never crossed my mind.

I still remember in Sec 1, almost all the Sec 2s then will bully me and spread rumors about me. And even pinch me! And I used to call Caitlin ' Katlyn ' AND SHE SPREADED THAT RUMOR! HOHO!. All the good times, with the Sop 1s mini Sectionals! :D.

And then there is Luo Ting! Who always never failed to make me smile everytime I see her (:. And we used to talk a lot of stuff, including that mini secret *smirks*.

And Wei Ning, who I used to tell her loads of secrets and we always talked about songs. She will usually whack me in choir and we used to talk about *ahem*. We also shared some songs, and supported one another all the way :D.

And there is Diana! My 'Girlfriend' XD. We usually talk about loads of stuff, and I even helped her in the conducting of warmups! :D. Anyway, we also had loads of fun together, and we kept talking like crazy~.

These feelings I can't shake no more,
These feelings are running out the door.

Now that things have changed,
And that I have to take this position.
It's really hard.
And one day I might just breakdown.

It seemed like the whole world hates me.

This is so hard.
Cause I didn't see,
That you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in, strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in sleep.
And in the long light, I play it all fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

Why must this happen?
I can't take it anymore.
Although that leadership position seems nice, I can't perform the tasks that are required.
And most importantly, there are many more people who deserve that position.
now I've caused an indirect conflict in choir.
And what happens now?
I feel isolated from my 2 closest friend in CCA also.
Sigh, maybe it was my fault.
I lied. I know you guessed so too.
I remember all the memories that we had,
but guess this is the end eh?
I want to fix this,
just that I don't have the courage to do so.
Honestly, I was expecting a bitter ending like this.
Last year, it was all a dream come true.
This year, it's the end of it.
It's just too much friendship problems that I can't settle with a tiny brain like mine.
I just wanna resign from my post,
I'm not ready for it.
I know what am I supposed to do already.
But I just can't perform it.
I'm being stranded.
And cornered at the same time.
I just wanna sleep and stay that way forever.

La lullaby, Distract me with your eyes.
La lullaby, Help me sleep tonight.
Let it just stay the way the dream was meant to be.

I'm Changing Sides.

There will be some dramatic modifications to the school from this week onwards. And in a blink of an eye, it will be my turn. I still remember the first few weeks of school, where Luo Ting still remembers me and says hi to me with that HUGE SMILE! And Caitlin with the others would spread rumors about me and Clarissa.

Sigh, things will be gone soon. There would be nothing but memories left. Stepping up and Stepping Down. Speaking of which, I'm really in a dilemma whether should opt for student conductor, and give up my tie or vice versa. Miss Tan told us that we can opt to be in that position, but she will make the final call, and i can choose to be 'not interested'.

It's some tough decisions to make. And who knows, its gonna be that day soon. I have it right in front of me, but I have hesitations in giving it. And tomorrow will be the last sectionals! Should I take this position one last time, or give it to Caitlin for the final time? Sigh. I have to make these decisions soon. And I know I can't drag it any longer.

Anyway, E Maths paper was a disaster for me. Sigh, shouldn't have done those things at all. Just gonna hope for an A1.

Oh yeah,

BEST OF LUCK TO ZWINDS FOR SYF TOMORROW :D!

You'll change inside when you realize,
That your world comes to life,
And everything's bright.
Well things didn't change for the brighter despite me realizing them.

Reflections of Emotions.

Everybody's laughing in my mind.
Rumors spreadin' 'bout this other guy.
Do you do what you did when you did with me.
Does he love you the way I can?
Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?
Cause baby I didn't.

That should be me holding your hand.
That should be me making you laugh.
That should be me this is so sad.
That should be me feeling your kiss.
That should be me buying you gifts.

This is so wrong,
I can't go on.
'Till you believe,
That that should be me.

Last night I heard my own heart beating.
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs.
Six months gone and I'm still reaching.
Even though I know you're not there.
I was playing back a thousand memories baby.
Thinkin bout everything we've been through.
Maybe i've been going back too much lately.
When time stood still and I had you.

Come back to me in like,
You would you would if this was a movie,
Stand in the rain outside til I came out.
Come back to me in like,
You could you could if you just said you're sorry.
I know that we can work it out somehow,
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now.

I am trying not to tell you.
But I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say.
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling,
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head.

I just can't take it.
My heart is racing.
Emotions keep spinning out.

Thanks to those people who tried to cheer me up this week :D

- Matthew
- Edmund
- Rowena
- Joyce
- Joy
- Hui Fang
- Gregory
- Clare
- Louis
- Jue Ying


I really appreciate it! :D. Guess my little secret's gonna bust soon right?

It's been an emotional week for me anyway.
With so many things going on at the same time.
Mixed emotions, I guess.
But I managed to bond with more people,
isn't that a good thing?
But I just need to concentrate on classes.
And HCL is pretty stressful for me.
It's like midnight right now.

I wanna sleep,
but I keep thinking of you.
Finally had the courage to say something,
but I guess you didn't reply.

When will this end D:?