For me, there's an extremely thick line between being rude and teasing others. But that was downright and plain disrespectful. Congrats. You've successfully made me angry and lose every single bit of respect I had for you. You know, I was kinda planning to abuse my authority to you in the future, but if I did that, I would have stooped down to your disgusting level.

Ahh. I'm losing faith now. It seems everything around me has changed so drastically in such a short period of time. I feel left out once again and I don't know why. But I guess that it may be better to be alone than to be accompanied, since you don't have to worry about others in the first place. And I worry a lot.

And I think I gotta start keeping my emotions in check once again. I'm starting to feel angry more frequently and become very irritated over the slightest of things. I think that I'm thinking too much, especially the part about what others think of me.

Monster.

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed.
Get along with the voices inside of my head.



Monsters. We all have monsters in us, whether or not it's in our characters or even on our bodies. Monsters are everywhere. In fact, many monsters come with a time bomb.They will only reveal themselves when the clocks stop ticking, and unleash their inner evil to everyone else. And in that moment, we'll only have three options to choose from. To choose whether you want to embrace, run from, or resist the evil unleashed at you.

I chose to run, and I'm still running.

Some do drugs, others go out for a run, but at the end we’re all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.

- Unknown (taken from Rebekah's blog)

Sometimes the chains you inflict on yourself simply isn't enough.

未来的道别。

我根本配不上你。
我会尽量忘记所有跟你有关的记忆,
把你戒掉。
可能是因为你还不知道事实吧,
但我很感激你一直肯跟我聊天,
让我开心一阵子。
对不起,
我可能不会实现我曾经对你说过的话,
让你失望了。
我们可能连朋友也不能当了。
但是,
我要你知道,
如果一天,
我真的决定从你的生命中离开的话,
请你原谅我,
也尊重我的决定。

我祝福你们俩。

我很想寂寞一下,
让自己静一静。
也许寂寞会让我感到更好,
让我回到以前的我。

Gone, gone, gone.

I wish I could deal with these insecurities.

Sometimes I feel like I should have said the words. So that I wouldn't be feeling any regret right now. But there are also times when I tell myself not to utter a single word, because I know that I will regret it the moment this friendship crumbles, just like the many others in the past. I should be feeling happy, even when I'm not, because I know that you're contented. I know that you have made your decision and it's probably good that you've stuck with it for the past few months. Maybe you're right, even when you don't notice it. It's probably better if you pick him over me. I'm the type of person who's still afraid, afraid to fall for someone. A person who is still unwilling to cross that line and make an extra mile for you. A person who is still shy of expressing his feelings. A person who still have scars all over his heart.

It was a fruitless uphill battle after all. I would never take the extra mile for you. I wish I would, but I wouldn't. I guess I didn't know him after all. I don't have anything compared to him. He's buff, handsome and maybe treats you well. You know him much longer and even better than compared to me. And most importantly, there's chemistry between you two. But me? I have nothing. Nothing at all, maybe just wild hopes and dreams. I place myself first, before anyone else. I don't think that I would come personally to your house just to wish you happy birthday when I have my As the next day. And even though I don't, I only wished you. That's all. I'm not good enough, and I think that I'll never be good enough. I like you, but maybe I don't love you enough.

And here I am, posting my feelings on this blog that you'll never have access to. Feelings that you'll never know because the coward in me has held me back throughout the past few months. Maybe moving on was an easier option after all, instead of holding on. It's hard to snap apart these heartstrings, but I promise that I'll do my best to cut them.

Maybe we can never be friends again because it may be better for us if we don't speak at all and for you to continue to be blinded by this fact forever. Maybe, but I'll see what I can do. I know that it wouldn't hurt that bad, since you weren't exactly my close friend to begin with. But it'll still hurt, and I'll see what I can do.

All love ever does is break,
and burn,
and end.