I'm not giving up, so don't you dare give up on me.

Currently blogging now due to a request made by Matthew Ng. Hmm. The weekend was kinda wasted for me. Sigh, anyway, Adele had to go for a vocal cord operation. Hope that she'll succeed in that operation so that I can hear her sing "Someone Like You" once more (:. That VMA performance was simply breathtaking.

Anyway, I've been missing out a lot on X Factor. At first, I thought the best performance of the night belonged to Melanie. But guess what? I was wrong. I think it kinda went to Drew with her version of "What a Feeling". Had the goosebumps while hearing them sing. It's like she poured her entire heart out into the song that she sang.

'It's not about the range of notes that you can sing, but the emotions you deliver to the audience.' -Mr Ong Kok Leong.

Down with a flu bug. ):. Hope I'll get well before my Biology SPA on Wednesday. I have this feeling that I'm going to do badly for it, but I'ma do my best no matter what and clinch my A1! 

Speaking of O levels, woke up early to do one Chinese Paper. I guess it was quite alright for me, as I did quite well for it. Sigh, why must the timed practices that are held in school be so hard for most of us?! I think the only section that I can do well would be the Open Ended part. I'm starting to lose faith in my MCQs ):.

Anyway, please ignore my previous post that are white in color and in italics. I guess that isn't true anymore. It was just a feeling that I've had over the weekend. I guess I see things between us crystal clearly now. You're like a big sister to me :D. But it'll be sad to see you leave, because you've already played a major role in my life this year.

Played LoL with Randy and Elston for the entire day today, before meddling with my new hand phone ^^. Oh, and a big thank you to Randy for helping me plan a part for my chalet :D. I hope that it'll be enough for all of us to survive the night ><.

Moving on, I guess my entire weekend had been unproductive for me. I bet all the other HCL students have been mugging for their Chinese paper on the 10th while I'm just slacking myself away. I'm trying to find motivation to do so too, just that I'm failing terribly ):. Maybe I should limit myself, by reducing the number of games I play before the Chinese O levels..

There's school tomorrow for all of the Sec 3s this year, while the other levels (other than the Sec 4s) are partying the night away. I guess that's the harsh reality for most of us eh? Especially when it's gonna be exactly one year from now when we're gonna sit for the important exam, and attempt to fulfil our wishes by entering the schools that we desire..

It all starts tomorrow. No, it all starts tonight. I can make do this year once I clinch my first A1 for the nine papers that I'm gonna take in my entire Secondary School life. Then, I can enjoy my chalet with an empty mind, as well as to deliver my best efforts for the concert on the day before my birthday! 

Speaking of my birthday, I've to start preparing presents for those in November, and the first person that comes to my mind is the person that shares the same birthday as me ^^. But I've got no clue for what I'm planning to give him this year. But on the bright side, it's much simpler getting the present in comparison with girls, especially when I had to knock my head hard to think of what to give them (:.

I guess that's all for today, and for the two jokers that sit near me in class, I hope you're happy with this post. But before I leave, I'ma recommend you a club-banger for some entertainment..

Bye. (:.

I've been hot-tempered these days.

I hope that I'll be able to chill in time.

Baby it's not just you.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

 

I'm down for whatever.

Wow. It's been a while since I've last blogged.. Firstly, a big thank you to those that have tagged my blog this week!

Moving on, it's been a crazy week for me. Despite the fact that exams are already over, there're like loads of lessons with tons of homework in preparation for our SPA and Chinese O level Papers. Sigh. I really hope all this would come to an end soon ><. Practically, there's nothing much to blog about these days..

Got back my report book on Friday. My results were horrible ><. Gotta start working hard soon. I guess it's time to face the music. I hate this part though, but I want to fulfil my wishes and make it to SAJC (:.

There's gonna be an abrupt ending in this post. Bye!

And if you know,
how do you get up from an all time low.
I'm in pieces,
seems like pieces is all I'll ever know.


I keep telling myself that it's just a crush.
It's hard to choose between my head and heart.
I think it's been nice knowing you this year (:.
I'm not gonna brag about it,
neither would I tell anyone about it.
But I think that you've been supporting all these while,
even when I'm oblivious to it.
When I heard my friends saying that you had a scholarship,
I felt sad.
As much as I would like you to take that offer,
I would want you to stay,
and relive all our memories that we've had this year.

Never Again.

I forgive you, I forgive me.
Now when do I start to feel again.


Sorry for not blogging recently, and I regret that because there're like loads of things to blog about. So I'ma just skip into the main points :

- Wednesday :
The return of the scripts part 2. I think my results were worse as compared to the first day, including my Biology. Sigh, I'm such an utter disappointment to the teachers. I was quite confident for it, yet I scored so low for it ):.

As for physics and geog, I was surprised that I could actually pass both papers as I was expecting them to fail.. But I plan on working on them during the holidays after my 'O' levels!

I think that was it ><.

Moving on, I went to KFC along with Jue Ying, Randy and Jia Wei! I think it was an awesome experience, because we were like walking through the shelters and still got wet due to the heavy downpour that day. I like walking in the rain, but running in the shelter yet still being wet was truly unforgettable (Y). We then went to the toilet to dry ourselves up before heading to KFC. And I would say that Randy was quite unfortunate to meet his conductor on the way as he was planning to be late, but still... I think the band's conductor is pretty nice and kind, well that's just my perspective of him as I bet Randy is utterly against it.

And then we went to talk about some personal stuffs, like how JY 'seduces' people and I was disgusted at some person because he/she didn't stop burping for like 10 times and I was having my zinger :X. Guess what's next? We talked about BIO! And JY seems interested in one of the topics that we're gonna cover next year, and what Randy thinks about Bio is urea. I still can vividly recall when he asked whether we had urea in our brains :D. Haha~.

For me, I like respiration the most :D. I think it's a pretty cool topic even though it has hell loads to memorize.. Randy then left for his CCA and Jia Wei came along with the water bottle that JY had left in the classroom earlier that day. Talked about LoL stuff, and JY was quite irritated by it because there're like so many people around her playing that game while she chooses not to play..

Moving on, it was Thursday. Things went smoothly for me, except the fact that we had Chemistry lessons early in the morning! Managed to complete the topic on Energy Changes, but I didn't understand a single bit of what Miss Ong was teaching that day. However, I still needed to complete the ton of homework that she assigned to us for that topic.. And there was a Leadership Workshop for all the Sec 3s after recess, and I was in Group 6A! I think we were awesome! :D. I liked the 'All Hands on Deck' and 'Human Checkers' stations. They were pretty fun for me. Well, for the rest, not so much because they were trying to emphasize on the same thing over and over again.. BUT I LIKE TOP 40 SONGS. I managed to guess ' Born This Way' by Lady Gaga :D. And then we created the Periodic Table Cheer (:.

Then, it was the dreaded Timed Practice. I nearly forgot to write my 'zhu' phrase until Yuan Zhen allowed me to catch a glimpse on my paper, and I rushed it out..  I think I did quite badly for both sections, knowing that I have missing points here and there, and some of the content that I've wrote are quite irrelevant to the question, but what's done is done eh? There's no point turning back now... Went home late and played my computer afterwards!

Friday :
There was Choir T.T. Well, I think I'm losing my falsetto really quickly this time round, and Strepsils managed to make me feel better for a while.. I could tell that the choir had already been putting up their best efforts to sing their part out, but I feel that it's not enough. To add on, I can't even attend most of the important dates that Miss Tan wrote on the board because I already have things planned for me. I think I fail terribly as the President and am truly disappointed in myself.. But I can't really do much to change that fact already eh?

Practically, all my holidays are used in playing computer games and doing homework. I guess I'm hooked into it already, but I think I've gotta start preparing for my 'O' levels in the later part of the year. I plan on doing some daily revisions in hope to secure my A1 for my CL! :D.

Oh yeah, all the best to my dearest Seniors for their 'O' level main papers tomorrow! :D. I hope that they'll do really well for it! Anyway, to end my post, I would like to say that I've managed to fulfil one of my wishes for this year, and that was to get a data plan plus a new phone! And I got both (:. I'm a happy kid for today! :D.

My apologies for the disorganization for my post today, there're bits and pieces everywhere.. So peace out.

To the two people that thought I was quite emotional during the holidays : I really appreciate your concerns a lot. It's really great to know that you two have been standing right beside me and the fact that you know something was wrong really inspires me to move on. Truth is, I might have lied to one of you saying that I was tired and that caused this to happen, but in fact, I was tired but that's not the main reason for the change in my attitude and character these days. I guess it's some stuff that I'm facing right now, and as much as I wanna tell you all what's happening to me, I'm afraid I can't, in fear that something unexpected would come along the way and ruin everything once more. Moving on, it's really great knowing you all since Day 1, and may our experiences be enhanced over the next few events that we're gonna have together, including my Birthday Chalet <3. 

It's really heartwarming to know that my friends are standing by my side as they can tell that something's wrong, even if I didn't tell them anything..

Moving on, I'm gonna get Kelly Clarkson's stronger later in the day! Can't wait to hear the rest of the album! Ahh. The anticipation's killing me right now! :)

Now to end this blog post, I'ma post one song that I'm currently obsessed with right now..

Give me the chance to love you,
I'll tell you the only reason why.
'Cause you are on my mind.

I should've known that the outcome would've been like this.
But I guess everything's over now..
If we could ever talk again,
I would want to say that it was nice meeting you since the start of this year.
I should just focus on the upcoming events that are coming at the end of this year,
and stop thinking of you daily anymore.
It's not gonna happen between us,
and it's time for me to snap back into reality once more.


Stop living in your delusional dreams anymore.
It may not be just you,
but things changed for both of us.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, “I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough money to buy this doll.” Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ”Granny, are you sure I don’t have enough money?” The old lady replied: ”You know that you don’t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.” Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. “It’s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.” I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. “No, Santa Claus can’t bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.” His eyes were so sad while saying this. “My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.” My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: “I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.” Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me “I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won’t forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn’t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.” Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. “Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?” “OK,” he said, “I hope I do have enough.” I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: “Thank you God for giving me enough money!” Then he looked at me and added, “I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!” “I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn’t dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.” “My mommy loves white roses.” A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn’t stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. 

Now you have 2 choices: 1) Reblog this message. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

You got no right to tell me who I really am.

Hey guys, it's pretty late now.. So I guess this is gonna be a short post eh? Went out with the 2e1'10 people on Monday, along with Adeline too! I guess it was pretty fun for us, even though we were chased out by the arcade. And I realised that I look VERY innocent. Louis asked me to ask the counter whether we could play at the LAN even though it wasn't an official school holiday and she allowed us in :D. Watched them play dota, and I think that they were kinda thrashed..

But before that, we were hanging out at the food court at the 6th level (I think) and stared at the Pepper Lunch television set, and Louis was tempted to buy it :D. Haha! Anyway, when we were at the LAN, the girls arrived and told us that they've been waiting us for an hour, the same amount of time that we stoned at the food court.. Feel really guilty about that though ><. But it's alright, because Adeline's here to save the day! Even though they were kinda lost in the end, but they bought Gong Cha and I was jealous ._.

Then, we went to JustAcia to eat our lunch! Adeline and I were discussing about chalet stuff. We talked about things that were quite saddening too, like about our class and what's been going on recently. This let me to ponder about the things around me, especially my friends. It's hard to help one side only because both of them are my good friends since sec 1! One had been sitting beside me for two whole years, and the other had been my 'bottle' for me to confide my secrets in. Sigh.. Really hope that they would patch up in the end.

I taught Cherie how to drink a Kimchi Soup with a ladle, like the more CIVILISED way! Haha, it's been ages since I last used that word. Guess I'll never fail to use my 2 favorite words whenever I'm with my Sec 2 class.. We were so bonded.. And now.. Sigh. ):.

Moving on, we went to watch 'Real Steel'! I bought hotdog and a drink for myself :D. It's been ages since I last ate a hotdog.. Anyway, it's a pity that I didn't sit with Gracia that day, as I wanted to tell her countless stuff as we haven't been in contact since the September holidays, and that was Smurfs, when we were talking halfway through the movie. It's alright though, I'm hoping to see her during my birthday chalet <3.

Talking about the movie, I don't think it's a good movie to recommend you all, unless you all want to have an honest moment inside the theater. Practically nearly fell asleep in the first hour of the movie. Cliche introduction, but as the story gradually builds up, it intensifies but still, I'll rate it a 5.5/10. It's just my personal preference ><, hope that those who liked the movie don't feel offended at all.

Went back home after that and watched my X Factor! I think I'm in love with a male contestant now. HAHA, But Caitlyn is still the best <3. Played a few rounds with Randy afterwards :D, and he broke my losing streak once again. I think I'm a noob at computer games, but I'm willing to learn!

Tuesday :

Argh. It's literally doomsday. Got back half of my results and I'm not really satisfied with them. Sigh..
Wouldn't want to post my results out yet because I wanna post them all in one shot, and that I did something with someone, so I hope that SOMEONE treats me my bubble tea for the entire year ^^, rather than me giving him 10 dollars T.T.

The day started with Chemistry. My results wasn't pretty bad compared to the rest, but I felt that I could've done better. When I asked Miss Ong a question about the Calcium Silicate, I could feel her disappointment in me. Sigh, I'm such a letdown. Upon checking through the script, I realised that I've thrown away 5 marks just because of not reading/analysing the question properly. 5 marks make a difference in one grade, and that's really a lot. Sighh.. I hope that I'll do well for Chemistry SPA in November.. I don't wanna disappoint Miss Ong again, even though she could be a little scary at times especially when I'm sitting at the first row in her class.

Then, it was Social Studies. I was a little surprised upon knowing that I passed.. Hmm. It was satisfactory, but my SBQs were horribly done. Sigh, I expected more from that section to save my mark. In the end, the essays saved me T.T. It's a good thing, but I kinda regretted some stuff that I've done during the duration of the paper, like not writing the conclusion for the first essay thinking that one of my factors would have a big CMI written all over it..

Next, English. I PASSED MY COMPO (:. But for my comprehension, terribly done once again. I think my grades are slipping and I really need to work on my English. Got to speak proper English from tomorrow onwards!

Moving on, my double maths. Both were a GREAT disappointment to me. I haven't exactly told my parents about any of my results yet, because I know that I might get scolded for my Emaths. It was horrendous. I didn't meet the A1 grade for the O level standard. Sigh. But at least, A maths was a bit of a saving grace to me, because I didn't expect myself to get that mark, but there were careless mistakes here and there and I should've had better time management T.T.

Last, HCL. I WAS NEARLY ON THE VERGE OF TEARS UPON RECEIVING MY PAPER. It was really.. A great disappointment. I hope the CL department doesn't kick me out of HCL because of my horrible results. So what I can do now is to hope for the best, and embrace myself for tomorrow... Sigh. I think that I've disappointed Jiang Lao Shi. She was such a good teacher, and tried her best to aid me in that subject, and all that I did was to let her down T.T.

If only time could rewind and that I could correct my mistakes once more.
I'm sure that I'd do them right.

After that, I went to tuition and fell asleep halfway due to exhaustion T.T. What's the worse part? The teacher that caught me was new and I was wearing my tie T.T. Anyway, lesson carried on as usual and I LOVE THE TEACHER THAT TEACHES ME COMPO (:. She's awesome.

Anyway, there's gonna be an abrupt ending to my post once again.. But before that, I wanna leave a message behind. Nights!

Hey Marijuana! I know that you may no longer be reading this blog anymore, but I want you to know that you can overcome this storm okay? To me, you're the best in that subject! Don't feel discouraged alright? Look at you, you've won me in almost every single subject today, including the Mathematical subjects. I'm sure that you'll win me too tomorrow. Cheer up! I don't wanna see you emo in school tomorrow, and I don't know what to do if you really do other than to give you sticky. I feel very guilty about that, because you've been comforting me every single time whenever I was really down in school.. We should buy KOI sometime okay? We'll have awesome times in my birthday chalet in less than 4 weeks away! (:.

In another life, I would make you stay.
So I don't have to say that you're the one that got away.
But I'm afraid of starting over again.
I'm scared that things would turn out the way I imagined it to be.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


Managed to book the class chalet! I feel so accomplished for once in a while. Sigh, I hope things would turn out right this time. Anyway, gotta plan for it though, because my birthday chalet falls on the first night of it (:. Can't wait to use this opportunity to bond with my class right now, and to catch up with my friends from the past..

Been playing comp recently.. I'm such a bad boy right?! Anyway, i'm supposed to wake up 8 hours later (It's midnight now) and play with somebody! Haha, hope that I'll have fun later~ Anyway, gonna meet Louis and other 2e1'10 friends like Mortal ^^ to watch Real Steel tomorrow at Dhoby Ghaut! And I've refilled 3 sticky jars earlier today at Central before dining at Manhattan Fish Market for Lunch :D. I think the drinks are awesome, but I prefer Fish & Co though. Oh well, it's personal preference!

Tuesday is like arriving sooner than what I've expected. You might have guessed the reason right, as it's Scripts Checking day. I hope that I won't do as badly as what I had imagined earlier on, but who knows what would happen right? GOSH, It was so terrifying upon hearing that Miss Rozi had completed marking my Bio paper on Friday.. Sigh, and now Mr Teo's busy marking Geography and SS scripts right now. I hope everything goes well smoothly, and I'm kinda in self-denial now, because things would go wrong everywhere. Sigh..

Anyway, I'm just gonna enjoy life for the next 24 hours before confronting my very own version of Doomsday. I just wanna have fun, before knowing the ugly truth about how horribly I'd done for my EOY. But it's too late for regrets now.. Hmm, I think my friends would have the same feelings as what I'm experiencing now. All the best to those checking their scripts on Tuesday!

Moving on, there's a song that's stuck in my head for the entire week. I can totally relate to the lyrics, and what's the best part? It's Kelly Clarkson <3. It's been too long since she's been gone. I HOPE THAT SHE'LL MAKE HER BREAKAWAY ONCE MORE (:.

'So what, you've got the world at your feet,
and you know everything about everything,
but you don't.
You still think that I'm coming back,
but baby you'll see..'
- Kelly Clarkson

Aren't the lyrics true to us in one way or another? Sometimes people think that they know us, but in fact, they don't know anything about us, just like what I've been pondering about recently.

There's gonna be an abrupt ending to my post today. But before that, I'ma leave a quote behind.. Nights!

'When someone comes into your life,
they're here for a reason.
You either learn from them,
or be with them right till the end.'
- http://runawaytrain.tumblr.com

Lessons learned,
bridges burnt down the ground.
And it's too late to put out the fire.

'You and I,
right or wrong,
there's no other one after I've spent this time alone.
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind,
thinking about the better times,
must've been out of my mind.
So I'm running back to tell you..
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter,
as long as I'm laughing with you.
I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after,
after the life we've been through.
'Cause I know there's no life after you.'
-Daughtry

I throw all your stuff away,
and I throw you out my heart.

That's a downright lie. I can't believe this is happening once again. My emotions within are killing me, tearing my heart out for you. I don't really know what to say anymore. If only time could rewind and start everything anew once more. Maybe I'll lose some of my good friends, and maybe I'll gain some too. But there's this part within me that doesn't allow me to leave those that are really close to me. Like in Term 3, it was filled with regret and sorrow, even though I was the one who initiated it at first. Things were so close, yet so far away at the same time.

Maybe it didn't turn out as badly as what I had expected at first. It's already Term 4 now, and the feelings remain the same. One of them already noticed something's wrong with me, and I'm not sure why I'm not willing to tell her the other bits and pieces of my story. Sigh.. Maybe it's just me being too afraid to encounter incidents that are similar to the past once again. I'm just too afraid to breakdown and lose myself again in the process once more.

I'm already the president in choir for 2 terms already. I just don't feel attached to it, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just me holding back, or it's just that there're many sides of people that are in choir, and it makes me feel insecure just knowing them as friends. They may seem friendly, but I'm afraid that they're all superficial. That's the reason why I hate my CCA so much. Because they're not (going to be) as friendly as the many friends that I have now, and that it really sucks going there to see people's faces and trying to improve things that aren't gonna change forever. I'm starting to lose hope in myself, and in whatever that I do.

What makes a close friend? To me, they're those that understand every single action/movement that I take, and can see right through me in whatever that I do. That's what that matters. People that don't make me feel pissed off and angry whenever I see their faces, and those that I would forgive easily despite the severity of their mistakes.

I was supposed to be a quitter at first, until this person stepped into my life last year and changed 80% of my life, even if he doesn't notice it.

I'm a lightweight.
Easy to fall,
Easy to break.
With every move my world shakes,
to keep me from falling apart.


You should be careful with whatever that you say.
Because words seem amplified to me,
regardless of what they mean.
Words can simply blow me away,
and take control of my heart,
along with my character.
That's how fragile I am.

We lived.
We loved.
We die.


I realised that I tend to make countless grammatical errors in my posts ><. Sigh, gotta improve on my English ><. Hmm.. Exams are finally over for most of us, except for the graduating students of the school! All the best, seniors (:.

Anyway, speaking of papers, I think they were horribly done, and the main reason for that is because of time management. Gosh, despite bringing a watch inside the examination hall, I didn't have enough time to check through all my papers. Yeah, and I meant all. I think Biology was a close shave for me though, because there was nothing much to check.. And who knows? Miss Rozi might be marking my paper right now..

Moving on from this dreadful topic, I think that today (friday) was well spent! Wished all the lit students the very best for their lit paper! :D. Anyway, after oral ( which was about celebrations that killed me in the picture conversation ), I went with Macs with Arnold to eat breakfast! He asked me about the rumor, but I wasn't really sure of my feelings anymore, and I might have lied to him.. Then, we talked about CCA and Council stuff, and tried to figure out ways to improve our juniors in the various CCAs that we're from.. And he's the nice guy in scouts, which shocked me entirely.

Went home and played computer for a while before having an afternoon nap. I guess I'm pretty tired from all the studying during the week and it's time to embark some peace and serenity in my dreams eh? Oh, and it's my mum's birthday today! Happy Birthday! :D. Upon waking up, I went to play with Randy and he broke my losing streak :D.

After that, went to Dhoby Gaunt and had buffet dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday! Wanted to play with Randy upon reaching home, but I guess X factor kinda distracted me, AND IT WAS AWESOME! Totally love all the 4 judges! :D. Rihanna was there to give her advice to L.A :D.

Hmm, about the song choices in the show, I think 3 out of 8 songs that were covered were originally sung by Rihanna herself. And upon watching the show today, I realised that there are potential winners in every single catagory of the competition! I guess I'm gonna root for Caitlin. Each and every of her performances sends chills down my spine. They're like so emotional and she manages to bring out the lyrics to the 'audience' and the judges that are right in front of her. Hope that she'll win :D.

And, there was this guy who sang 'Crazy In Love'. I think his name was Dexter or something like that.. Really admire his guts and abilities. I doubt many guys can sing and dance as well as the original artist (Beyonce). That reminded me of the dance competition in august though, because that was our second choice to dance after 'Womanizer'.. RIGHT MATTHEW? :D.

Well, I guess my brain's fried right now. So I'ma have an 'early' night now. NIGHTS (:.

Even if I'm hot and cold at times,
I'm not a freaking backstabber.

I thought that was the end of time,

but I still gotta hold up,

and hold on.

I need some space,

give me my boundaries to breathe once more,

and free me for this redemption that awaits me.

I can see your halo..

Hey guys, It's like 8.42pm now and I gotta sleep soon. There's like two papers tomorrow? And they're all considered Mathematical subjects, so I need to refresh myself by having a good night sleep (:. I think I'm screwed for Emaths.. Seriously ><.

Today's Chemistry Paper was epic. Had mental block halfway through the exam and my mind went blank completely. Sigh, but guess who was there to save my day? BEYONCE! Had the thought of 'Run The World (Girls)' suddenly while doing Section A of the paper. So I guess the paper was quite alright for me, and I hope I can pass miraculously..

Hmm. I feel kinda sad nowadays, and I think the only person that knows why is Jue Ying, but she hardly reads my blog anyway. Maybe I'll find time and post it up, but there's still a Biology paper on Thursday to overcome. Oh well. Good luck to all my readers (if you're there) for your remaining papers! Nights (:

I'm thinking too much recently.

Maybe that was the honest truth, and not a lie beneath the hidden truth.

I think I'm starting to develop a strange feeling,

and this can't be happening once again. ><

Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.
Let it wash away my sanity.
Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream.
Let the fall down, I come in clean.
I'll come in clean.


Hilary Duff <3

Cause we are beautiful in every single way.
Words can't bring you down.

This is a true story of Mother’s Sacrifice during the Japan Earthquake.
After the Earthquake had subsided, when the rescuers reached the ruins of a young woman’s house, they saw
her dead body through the cracks. But her pose was somehow strange that she knelt on her knees like a 
person was worshiping; her body was leaning forward, and her two hands were supporting by an object. The 
collapsed house had crashed her back and her head.
With so many difficulties, the leader of the rescuer team put his hand through a narrow gap on the wall to 
reach the woman’s body. He was hoping that this woman could be still alive. However, the cold and stiff 
body told him that she had passed away for sure.


He and the rest of the team left this house and were going to search the next collapsed building. For some 
reasons, the team leader was driven by a compelling force to go back to the ruin house of the dead woman. 
Again, he knelt down and used his had through the narrow cracks to search the little space under the dead 
body. Suddenly, he screamed with excitement,” A child! There is a child! “
The whole team worked together; carefully they removed the piles of ruined objects around the dead woman. 
There was a 3 months old little boy wrapped in a flowery blanket under his mother’s dead body. Obviously, 
the woman had made an ultimate sacrifice for saving her son. When her house was falling, she used her body 
to make a cover to protect her son. The little boy was still sleeping peacefully when the team leader picked 
him up.



The medical doctor came quickly to exam the little boy. After he opened the blanket, he saw a cell phone 
inside the blanket. There was a text message on the screen. It said,” If you can survive, you must remember 
that I love you.” This cell phone was passing around from one hand to another. Every body that read the 
message wept. ” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” Such is the mother’s love for her 
child!!


When we figured out love is all that matters after all,
it sure makes everything else seem so small.

I don't deserve this life.


The only photo that I've found so far that can describe my feelings today:

I know it's been quite a while since I've last blogged. And it's like my sleeping time right now. This entire week had been a roller-coaster ride for me, trying to cramp all the information that I've learnt over the years back into my brain right now, and that I've became really emotional lately.

I don't know why. But I have this strong feeling that I'm not gonna do well  for this exam. My friends in my class said that they wanna be top 15, and that's my position for SA1. I feel the immense stress now, and it's not going away. I guess that's the life for being in a triple science class eh? Struggling for survival, trying to see the light once more.

Been spending time to study with Randy. I think it's really nice of him to study with me and Jue Ying! Well, I doubt he'll read this anyway. Moving on, I've just changed my blog song. I think it's really emotional - The lyrics and the melody. I guess that's the only way to express my feelings now. Sigh, it's just 23 hours away, and my doom awaits.

Cleanse your mind, and be true to yourself. That's what I need to do. Enter that examination hall, and trust my instincts. I don't want to let any emotions to get the better of me and start thinking too much over a simple question. It's time to be really focused on the paper itself, and look out for clues and keywords that the setters  give in the paper itself. I hope that whatever I've revised over the days would come back to me tomorrow, while I'm sitting for the two main papers.

The only thing's on my mind now is commitment. There're loads of things that I've taken for granted this year, and it seems like time passes by really quickly eh? If only I could make time rewind and make it all alright again. I'm standing there feeling a little crazy. And it's not that type of crazy anymore. What you've said to me on the other day, I think I've taken it too seriously.

Anyway, all the best to the people who're about to have their main examinations! And of course, to my seniors that are busy preparing themselves for the O levels! Miss you guys loads T.T. Nights!

What's the point of saying 'no offense' when I'm already offended.

Call me when it's 4am.

Nothing beats the original.





You should have known.
And now I'm dying to have belief in you.
I'm following the voice that you think you gave to me.

Take what you want,
and steal my pride.


As you all have noticed, I've changed my song for my playlist (:. I think that's the only decent song inside 'Unbroken', apart from the hit single 'Skyscraper'. I hope you all like it (:.

Anyway, Carrie Underwood's half-way done with her 4th studio album, and it's going for a release at 2012! Can't wait for the year to come, even though it's gonna be my 'O' levels, but oh well!

Spent my entire weekend away playing computer~ Gosh, I keep procrastinating on stuff ><. I'm gonna strive for my best this week and do well for my main papers next week (hopefully). But I gotta find that inspiration that I've been lacking. Sigh, and I've been sweating abnormally nowadays. And that's bad, it always means something's bad gonna happen soon. Hmm, maybe I'm just manipulating myself in thinking so, or it will come true again..

I can't wait for later~ Gonna meet all my awesome friends once again, even though it's like the revision week! :D.

Argh, I'm lacking the inspiration to post nowadays! ):.

I guess it's best for us to move on now.
I can't take back what I've never had in the first place.
I don't want to be manipulated once more.
Not when those three words start to become a pack of lies.
It's starting to sound hopeless now.
How I wished I could put the bottle down,
and leave you alone.
But there's this affection that's killing me inside.
That trip on friday,
it reminded me of something special.
I miss those awesome times we had.


How could you throw me out of your world,
when I did not do anything at all.
You and your gang,
are starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
That night, when I stumbled on your account in twitter.
My heart skipped a beat,
and I wanted to add you.
But I'm afraid that things would go all over again.


Milk tea with 30% sugar, less pearls please :D.

Here am I again talking to myself,

Sitting on a red light.

I know it's been ages since I've last blogged. Well, that's because of my Advanced Papers, and I believe that I've screwed all of them up ):. I think time management is really an issue for me, because I don't seem to have enough time to check through my work. I think I might fail my English though, and the thought of it intrigues me deeply.

And there's Social Studies. I'm not really sure what was wrong with me, or what was I doing in that 1h30min. I don't have any recollection about what I wrote, or what I'd experienced during that period in time. Sigh. But guess what? It's already over. There's no point dwelling something that could never rewind even if you try your best to do so. 

Looking at the bright side of this week, I went to see Dad ^^. Glad to know that he's doing fine now, just that his voice sounds a little bit higher in terms of pitching. But still, ITS GREAT THAT HE'S RECOVERED (:. He kinda destroyed my plans for him though.. Oh well. Managed to catch up with him by playing some matches with him ^^.

There's nothing much to post nowadays.. But there's X factor! I adore the expressions on Nicole's face, as well as the gestures that Paula makes at almost audition! They're just simply irresistible! I think that's all for today, and I've gotta catch up with CSI Miami on Sunday as I've missed the original timeslot on Wednesday due to Exams ):. Bye!

I guess when we're working hard and trying to strive for our dreams and goals,

it turns out that the closer we are towards them,

the more discouragements we'll receive upon every step we take.

I think I've really given up hope on myself.

I've been thinking too much,

pondering on things that I should'nt have thought in the first place.

Now, as these tears escape my eyelids,

I'm still not sure why I'm crying.

But I just feel.. Sad.