I'm at a loss of words now. I've been trying too hard to convince myself that I should move on, instead of holding on to the past. I guess the time had come eh? Just like what I had expected before all this bullshit entered into our lives. And there comes the one mistake that I never fail to make every year, one that never fails to break/weaken the friendship between my friends, one that makes me afraid that if others knew about it, I'll be screwed.
I know that you might not have the time to read my blog anymore, or it's just that you're avoiding it purposely. But nevertheless, I just wanna find peace in my blog, and experience the usual feel of serenity whenever I post something really personal inside it. I still vividly remember you telling me that maybe, things would get better. And I believed you. Thanks for offering me your endless encouragements and your witty jokes whenever I felt really down. Thanks for standing by my side whenever my world was crashing at my feet. But somehow, I couldn't see things right in that moment of time. It's like I was blinded, or perhaps, distracted. Little did I know/expect that you'd be the one throwing my world around whenever you felt like it. Now, it feels like I'm left alone hanging by a thread, and it's really a long way down.
I wished things went back to the ways they were before. Times when you wouldn't feel annoyed talking to me, or even trying to dig out words from your brain to avoid telling me stuff with a hidden meaning. I'm really sorry for all the trouble that I've caused you. Maybe, you've felt that way since the first day I've met you, just that you didn't make a single sound about what I said or did. Perhaps I would like it that way, and even if it causes me to be delusional, at least I'll be happy right?
Maybe its good to have the truth smacked right out on your face. It might put an end to all my wishful thinking etc. It had been all my fault. Have you been trying to tell me your true thoughts since the first conversation that I'd started with you? Sigh. And now, every time I speak, you'll either try to stop or ignore me completely. I guess everything that I say will be wrong in your eyes.
I should just stop trying, and move on with my life. Hey, what happened to no crying your heart out during the graduating year? What happened to the promise I made to study hard for the final lap in my Secondary School Life? Time has been rushing past me these days. Maybe it's just that I lack the time management and that I'm easily distracted by the various events that occur around me.
Sigh. What should I do to make you change your mind? T.T
Just ask me to stay,
and I'll stay.
