New Year's Eve.

I.. I wanna stop the clocks tonight.

It's just fifty minutes away from the start of a new year. So, I'ma post this right now so that it wouldn't seem that I posted this late..

2012 had its ups and downs. There were moments when I really felt like giving up and let everything go. But hey, I am still here, standing. I managed to survive all the drama and the events that have occurred this year. But all in all, it has been a great year! Got to know many people, like Adeline, Keandra, Sarah etc, at a much deeper level, although it's still sad to see so many people leaving my life. Oh well. I guess there were some mistakes made. But I still have to face the fact that we'll be saying our last goodbyes when we collect our 'O' level results and begin our next chapter of our education.

This year has passed in a flash, at least for me. Maybe it was all the mugging for 'O's, or the many regretful moments that I had. Sleep started to feel a little too short for me, even though I managed to sleep for at least 4 hours on a regular school day! Well, I remember settling the Open House, even though it didn't quite meet up to my expectations because we couldn't exactly attract many juniors to join, or that our performance was horrendous due to the 'work shifts' that we made. But it was still fun, seeing all my classmates and friends doing their respective duties in their CCAs, except for the Council. I don't know why, but after 4 years in ZH, I still kinda despise this organization. And whenever someone becomes a prefect, I would always tend to be a bit unfair to them, especially in choir. Oh well..

Sigh. Even though I usually rant about the facilities that Zhonghua has, I can't bear to leave. The teachers are great and friendly! They seriously work their ass off for us, and I appreciate that. If there's any teachers reading this if I make my blog public for my annual dedications, thank you for being such wonderful mentors. I still remember Miss Lim U-Shan saying that the 4 years in secondary school would zoom past us. And when I was Sec 1 then, I remember staring at her in disbelief. But now, all I can say is, " As was foretold. " I recall sitting next to Xin Yi at the start of the year. She was my first female neighbour in class, as I came from an all-boys primary school. And yeah, the rumors were right. She was my first real crush. I still remember doing really silly stuff like putting my heart out in presents and asking her out. Ah. It was a beautiful past. Not because she was my girlfriend, because she wasn't. But it was the moment of chasing someone. Haha. Looking at it, all I can do now is smile and be glad that she still is one of the closest friends that I'll ever have, despite having a crush on her once.

I remember having bus-rides home with Clare, aka the Curly-Haired girl. Even though my first impressions of her came from her hairstyle, she initially started to irk me as I thought that she was arrogant. Well, if you tell this to her, she'll understand, knowing what she did to me in Sec 1. But nevertheless, we became close friends. We used to talk about everything under the sun. Results, friends, objects, weather and people. And she seemed so positive in virtually everything! She has been a great listener, and most importantly, a wonderful friend (:.

Then there was Shazwani, who became my first faithful neighbour. I remember writing paper notes to her all day long and during every lesson. She would usually talk to me about music stuff and perhaps about band while I tell her about my choir stuff. She's awesome! I remember us copying each other's homework when we were too lazy to do them the night before, which happened nearly every day xD.

And when I shifted places to sit next to Shaz, Chang Jie came into the picture as well, becoming my second faithful neighbour! He's a good and decent kiddo who always did his homework and would stay focused during lessons. I admire his positivity and optimism in everything that he does! Our friendship became deeper when we played dota together with Javier and all, AND NOW, HE'S MY BEST GUY FRIEND, even if he doesn't notice it..

There was Gracia (my best female friend) too! She was-and-still-is awesome! I remember the all-night long calls that I would make, telling her every secret and emotion that I bottled up in my heart during the day or the week. She knows everything about me. Oh, and most importantly, the countless paper notes that we send during class! I still keep them, both from Shaz and Gracia (:, in a container because they remind me of the fun times I had in Sec 1 and 2! (:.

Well, these are my friends that I'm closest with, at least right from where it all began. They all managed to change a part of me for the better and have stood by my side no matter what I did or had done.. I know that I have many others to thank, and so I am deciding to do an annual dedications once again as mentioned earlier!

Anyway, I'm now sitting on a couch typing this post while sipping a glass of hot green tea, waiting for the countdown to begin. It's only 8 more minutes to a new year, a brand new beginning. No matter what sins or mistakes that we've committed, it'll all be undone this year. I hope everyone will be able to move on from their past, and enjoy the present that each of us have right now. To a new start, a year of happiness and bliss. To a new chapter, a year of new beginnings.

And now, while raising my green tea as if it's my glass of champagne, I would like to wish everyone a blessed happy new year and all the best to the future that awaits us (:.

Cheers to the new year! (:

I don't want this night to end.

Hello, wherever you are.

Because all that matters is the beautiful life.

“It's much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Maybe I should step back. It's much easier not knowing stuff that you aren't supposed to know. Secrets, rumors and all the bullshit that shrouds our life. Because once you know them, you'll be curious and have this tinge of urgency igniting within you to find out more. Even if you are surrounded by a pack of white lies, or even lies, at least you'll be happy. even if that means that you're delusional. There won't be any worrying involved, or thinking about what others may think of you. Perhaps that's the mistake I've committed throughout my entire secondary school life. I've been too involved with my surroundings and the drama that I've lost myself halfway. I'm just not me anymore. They say that change is the only constant, but I want a part of me that will never be taken away from me. I've made too many mistakes this year. Grave ones indeed. Ranging from doing an unforgivable act to caring so much for a friend and being met with disappointment in the end when you find out that he doesn't give a shit about you and feel embarrassed hanging out with me. I'm really exhausted from being nice, extending a helping hand to others. So all that I'm wanting for Christmas is just a fresh start. I know that I'll be having one soon as I'll begin the next chapter of my life upon receiving my results.. But I really hope that my personality will recover back to the way it was. I am really praying that I'll be more self-centered and start picking my friends correctly. To Clare, Adeline, Gracia, Hui Fang, Rowena, Joyce, Yi Jie, Ikhmah, Rebecca, Jue Ying, Xin Yi and Chang Jie, I am truly blessed to be friends with you all. We may have disagreements at times, but I know you care for me, as much as I care for you guys. I know I've made grave mistakes in the past, but you guys were there for me no matter what. All of you still hanged out with me, and treated me as a true friend. I'll never forget you guys (:

And now I'm praying that my mistakes didn't cost me too much. I hope that my results allow me to enter the JC of my desired choice. So that I'll be able to start anew and just be myself in the next two years of my education. I know I've let some friendships slip past this year, but honestly thinking about it, I wouldn't have made a single change to those events because they weren't my true friends. I no longer care about the quantity of friends, but the quality of them. As long as I have people supporting me all the way, and lending me a shoulder to lean on in case I stumble along the way, I'm content. I'm satisfied with friends that are happy to treat me as their good friend too, unlike others.. Oh, and I wish that I'm easily contented. Just like Clare. This is the point that I've always admired about her. It's not about expectations, about wanting people to give you things that you actually wish for, but about the little things that people remember and put their heart and soul in whatever that they're giving you.

Don't give promises you can't keep.
When I thought that you were my greatest friend,
I was hit hard in the head.

Dum Dum Diddy.

And I miss you everyday,
but there's nothing left to say.



It's been a while since I last posted a picture in my blog. I'm loving Leona on her new record, "Glassheart". I think that it's a huge improvement from "Echo". Currently addicted to the ballads in the album..

Anyway, I think I'm falling more deeply in love with British pop! It was perhaps just Leona Lewis at first, and there came the Wanted as well as Rita Ora and Jessie J. Oh, and Adele too! British ballads are so much more emotional than the American ones in general these days.. Ah. Listening to Leona Lewis' "Lovebird" and falling in love with it even more with each passing second!

Moving on, HK has been great! Managed to visit Yuen Long for the wife's cakes as well as the renowned Snow Ice shop there (:. Oishi! Simply delectable! But the process of finding the shops were gruesome and had to depend heavily on GPS and Google Map to navigate myself around. thank god for data plan (:. The monthly plan is quite cheap here, definitely affordable for me!

Went to a nearby shopping centre to shop. Had this urge to purchase gifts but resisted. And now I'm regretting it! There's this toy that I've been wanting to get for someone and I can't seem to spot it anywhere else. Looks like I've to go back and get it ):. But it's really cool! It's something like an updated version of the Neocube..

Visited Tsim Sha Tsui the next day. Nothing has changed there, apart from the shops! It is still one of the most crowded places in HK (:. And finally, I've managed to grab a bite of one of HK's delicacies after days of searching - the renowned Egg cupcake (copied from a street stall that displayed its English name). It's sold in Singapore too, but they're not comparable to the ones here! And then I've visited one of the most famous dessert shops in town to have a taste of my favorite dessert - Mango sago served with Pomelo, a dash of coconut juice and a scoop of mango ice cream right on the centre of the bowl (:. Headed to the nearby shopping centreS ( 's' is capitalized for a reason ) and found my feet aching after 5 hours of walking around without any rest. Visited the 'Mark&Spencer' outlet next and little did I know that they actually sell food products too (:. Spent about S$50 buying Christmas gifts for my friends in Singapore on shortbread and chocolates (:.

Proceeded to the Ferry Pier to have dinner with my entire family before heading home! The food was mediocre for me, especially when they were being served by the restaurant. Managed to catch up with my cousins and teased my female cousin A LOT because of her height ^^. Teehee!

Ah. I miss Singapore's food. I miss all of the local delicacies like our famous Chicken rice etc. OH AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I MISS THE CHILLI THERE ):. It's sweet and really spicy there, unlike the salty and mild chillis here ):. Oh well. Gotta suck it all up. But the food here's really good too (:.

Gotta go now. Sorry for the abrupt post once more. Bye (:

No match for your fingerprint.
No substitute, no other you.
'Cause there can only be one.

Warrior.

I just want my friend back.

It's a shame. I've manged to destroy a perfectly fine friendship. I remember your little attempts to cheer me up regardless of whether I was down or not. You were like a star, shining brightly. Maybe I should have held back. I was trapped in my own world of confusion. I wasn't mature enough to handle such emotions. Your morning texts. They were the ones which usually made my day. You understood me, even to the extent of knowing me better than most of my close friends. It's a pity that things had to turn out this way. It was my fault to begin with, and I deserve everything that has had happened. I've tried ways to overcome, but they all failed. Tried to trick myself that I was over you, but I wasn't. Because whenever my mind was unoccupied, images and thoughts of you would always dart into it. I tried to apologize, but I'm always not myself whenever I tried communicating with you. I don't know why, but I usually mutter the wrong things on impulse. Maybe you were right to give up on me. You no longer give a fuck about me anyway.

Let me start off the post with the recently announced Grammy nominations! I am quite contented with the list because I think the nominees deserved them. Carrie scored two nods in the country categories ( Best country song, best solo country performance for "Blown Away" ). Kelly Clarkson scored 4 nods ( Song of the Year, Record of the Year and Best Solo Pop Performance for 'Stronger(What Doesn't Kill You) as well as Best Pop Vocal Album for "Stronger"). Rihanna had 3 nods ( Best Solo Pop Performance for "Where Have You Been", Best Rap/Sung collaboration for "Talk that Talk" and Best Short Form Music Video for "We Found Love") Oh, and Taylor Swift managed to score a few nods as well! But it was a little sad that they weren't exactly in the country category. Looks like the Grammy committee has agreed that she belonged to pop now, and it's a good thing. I like her new style (:. I know that she clinched a nod for Record/Song of the Year and that is quite a feat.

Moving on, Ke$ha's new album, "Warrior", is out in stores now! I really can't wait to get my hands on it! I've listened to every track in the album and I've fallen in love with every single one of them! For me, "Warrior" and "Supernatural" are the two standout songs of the album. Maybe it's because of my relation with the lyrics, or their catchy choruses! Ke$ha has seriously stepped up her game and blown me away.

Anyway, HK's been pretty good to me! Went to Disneyland with Esther and also went to China for 5 days to visit my jia xiang and it was pretty cool! Managed to witness a wedding and taste good food! I miss the roast goose there ):. It's much more delicious than the ones here in HK ):. I've been having a craving for egg tarts recently. The pastry is AMAZING. I don't mind eating the pastry alone without the huge yellow part. Tried the famous polo bun in Mong Kok and it was wonderful. How can a bun be fluffy and crispy at the same time? (:. Despite indulging myself with amazing food, I've yet to visit more places in HK! I still need to go to Kowloon City to eat some of the street-stall food there, and maybe Yuen Long for their famous Wife Cakes!

Gah. So much food, yet so little time ):. I hope that I'll be able to fulfil my wishes that I've made for this HK trip before I fly back home.. Speaking of home, I'm feeling a little nervous about my results. What if they don't meet my expectations? What if I really did screw up? I'm hoping that I'll be able to do well so that I'll be able to enter SAJC and start the next chapter of my life without any regrets..

Let's just put that aside eh? I should be enjoying my holidays. I'm finding peace here, and it's great! Gotta start writing Christmas cards and posting them to my close friends REALLY soon! I'm hoping that they'll receive before the actual day or at most, on the day itself! So I gotta start putting on my thinking cap and recall all the pleasant memories that they've given me (:.

Anyway, I'm gonna post one of my favorite tracks from Christina Aguilera's newly-released "Lotus"!



I gotta go now :X. Sorry for the abrupt ending once more. Bye!

And now I'm finally over you,
I'm now set free.

Let's capture the moment,
because forever ain't forever.
I swear by the moment,
because together aim't promise forever.
Let's live by the moment,
as long we have each other.
I'm prepared to die in the moment.
Mother Mary,
I swear I wanna change.
Mister Jesus,
I'd love to be clean.

- Rihanna

Do you think about me,
as I think about you?
I'm falling for you all over again.
But it's hard,
because it's my fault to begin with.

16.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Even though 16 has been absolutely great to me so far, I miss being fifteen. It's possibly the most memorable year of my life. It has been a roller-coaster ride for me, with highs and lows. There were times that were so discouraging and displeasing to the point when I almost gave up everything, including my life. But many fond memories were created in that year too. There were friendships made, strengthened and fostered while there were some which crumbled. To be honest, I have no regrets giving up on most of the decisions I've made this year, except for one.

Fifteen was meaningful. It was the year when I could really start understanding others and pay special attention to the little things in life. I've been too focused on the 'big' stuffs in the past to the extent of forgetting and even neglecting all the little wonders that I have around me. Here's to all the friends who have been supportive of me throughout my 15th year. I wouldn't have made it without you all ( Adeline, Clare, Gracia, Xin Yi, Chang Jie, Mun Pin etc. ). You guys never fail to cheer me up whenever I felt down, no matter its degree. And it's been really a pleasure meeting you.

But sadly to say, I've realised that I haven't made many real friends in Sec 3 onwards. My friendship with Clarissa was severed earlier this year, but I am really glad to know Jue Ying, Keandra and Sarah. They are AWESOME people! Thinking about it, most of my real friends actually bothered to take some time off to attend my birthday dinner on the 12th itself, apart from Ying Shun ):. But let's just cast aside all the negative emotions now k? It was an awesome night! I found myself lost at Dhoby Ghaut station initially because I couldn't find Exit A as I was the purple-line boy xD. The others seem quite irritated with me as I faced many difficulties finding the Glasshouse. But nevertheless, thanks to Sarah and Sean, we managed to get there eventually. And guess what? Sean asked me what is the restaurant's signature dish. And I was like ._. It's Fish&Co! Fish is a MUST BUY there!

Ordered Salmon because I love cooked salmon. Had an incredible evening with all those who attended the dinner. Cracked many jokes and got to know them at a much deeper level.  It was really nice of them to buy me a birthday cake and celebrate my birthday the Fish&Co style! It's great to have friends like them!
Wanted to head to LAN afterwards but they were all full, unfortunately, But nevertheless, I went home with Clare :D. Talked about a certain person on the bus ride home. She did have a point, but I just find him a bit too much. Sigh, I hate lies. But most importantly, I hate broken promises. Played LoL with the guys afterwards and went to sleep :3.

Joyce. Rowena and Yi Jie also celebrated my birthday by taking me out on a Saturday. I love my daughters so much <3 .="." a="a" about="about" amp="amp" and="and" at="at" awesome="awesome" because="because" beef="beef" bought="bought" but="but" buy="buy" clothes="clothes" fashion="fashion" for="for" garden.="garden." good="good" h="h" had="had" hotplate="hotplate" i="i" improve="improve" is="is" it.="it." it="it" like="like" lunch="lunch" me="me" my="my" p="p" sense="sense" seoul="seoul" some="some" spent="spent" that="that" they="they" to="to" uniqlo="uniqlo" ve="ve" wanted="wanted" was="was" we="we" went="went" whatever="whatever" worth="worth" xd.="xd.">
Anyway, holidays have been pretty busy for me so far. Spent the last two weeks catching up with my friends. Visited the choir on Monday and was quite shocked at their progress especially when their concert was just around the corner. Treated Hui Fang and Valerene to Gong Cha and had lunch at Pizza Hut with Xin Jie, Hui Fang, Valerene and Sean. It was extremely heartwarming for me, as I raised them up in choir since day 1. I still can vividly recall the very first day they stepped into the Music Room with innocent faces. And now, they are leaders. I hope that they'll be able to continue leading the choir well next year for their SYF (:. All the best! Told Hui Fang my dirty little secret about why I refuse to wear my choir tee xD. Oh yeah! We nearly forgot to pay for our meal!

Went out with Rebecca and Ikhmah to watch Pitch Perfect and Perks of a Wallflower (my first NC16 movie). Pitch Perfect has got to be one of the best musical-comedy films I've ever watched in my life. I like how the female lead sings 'Titanium' with her alto range! Headed to Pastamania for dinner and had Huifang and Jenny serving us! Thanks for the 30% staff discount guys! I thoroughly enjoyed my penne with meatballs.

Rushed back to the cinema to catch the last screening of Perks. There's only one word to describe the movie. Memorable. Not only is it my first NC16 movie, but it's the first movie that made me tear up at least twice, and feel a sense of warmth and happiness in my heart at the same time. To be honest, I wish that I had a friend like Sam. I definitely will want to watch the entire movie again! Went to Baskin Robbins afterwards to catch a late night ice-cream supper before sending Ikhmah off and heading home..

Packed my luggage and my room over the next few days to prepare for my trip to HK. Asked the LoL clique out to attend the Garena Carnival on Saturday. But before that, we headed to Expo to watch IEM live! It's a pity seeing how KLH got thrashed by a European team! But it was a refreshing experience as there is an entirely different set of emotions and atmosphere watching matches LIVE as compared to watching streaming videos or playbacks. Ah. I wish that I could play Zilean that well.. The players have good reflex, unlike me ):.

Went to Bugis afterwards for a quick lunch at Yoshinoya before attending the Carnival! Really admired the sheer hard work that the participants put into their costumes for the Cosplay competition! I realised that many people dolled themselves up as Ahri, the fox-like girl. Their props were SO good. And the poses they made showed how carefully they studied every single detail of her in the game. Went upstairs soon after to watch some Blackshot matches and was quite surprised to see how the all-guys team was thrashed by the all-girls team. This proves that girls can play games well too. So Clare, if you read this, it might be a good inspiration to play well! :D

Sigh, I've been doing this post for weeks. Sorry for the late update and the abrupt ending. Will post more about my HK experiences soon in my next few posts. It's about 11pm now and I'm going to disneyland tomorrow with Esther! Alright, see ya!

Nothing ever stays the same.
Forever now,
forever changed.

最终还得放手。

希望放得更高，失望会变得更大。

我真得很想相信你对我所说的话。

你曾经跟我说过，你一定会尽力出现。

但我没想到，我最终还是被骗。

可能我当初的猜测是对的，

你已经不把我当成一位好朋友了。

我觉得自己很笨，

为什么要让自己感到失望呢？

其实，

我早已经猜到你会口是心非，

令我感到失望。

因为你这一年来，

已经拒绝了我所有邀请，

但我也知道，你接受其他人的邀请。

别再装了。

我们还是折断我们之间的友情吧。

因为如果我们这样继续下去，

双方不但不能得到好处，

也会感到伤害。

我知道，你陪我出去是一个很痛苦的经验。

跟我聊天，也是一个烦恼的事情。

那一天，你玩得开心吧。

我早期祝你一声生日快乐。

I thank God I didn't get for what I thought that I deserved.

Some Hearts.

But if we pack our bags and drive fast enough,

all our troubles will be just like us.

Long gone.

'Some Hearts' may be the best country album I've ever bought in my entire life. It has the full package, the entire set that every country album's supposed to have. But what makes it so special, is that there isn't any Auto-tune! And that makes it easy for die-hard country fans like me to recognize the vocalists and feel the emotions they portray in the lyrics. My favorite song off the set? Starts with Goodbye. Maybe it's just my attachment with the lyrics.. 'Before He Cheats' is a classic too (:. The song that paved the way for country music since 'Breathe' by Faith Hill.

Anyway, let's get back to life shall we? Two subjects down, and it's been alright. I know that there'll be mistakes, but there isn't exactly anything that I would change even if time can rewind. I still don't get why people choose to demoralize themselves during such a crucial period in their lives by taking a quick 'glance' at the leaked answers for the various papers online. As if any crying or bitterness will change anything right? Move on, and smile because it happened. Wow. This doesn't sound like me, filled with so much optimism! Maybe I'm being influenced by Keandra..

Well, I'm really grateful for the fact that I was inspired for my English composition. Fame. It hit me hard in the head initially because I didn't have any plots for it. And the personal recount was a bit too much for me to handle, especially about explaining the significance of my favorite childhood memory part. Maybe that's because I don't really have a memorable childhood, or I just can't remember much about it.. My STM's getting right back at me :/.

Hmm.. 'Red'. That album seems enticing. I really have this urge to purchase it, but I think it'll be better to get it after the 'O's, as it may be a form of inspiration to me! 'I Knew You Were Trouble' and the title cut are ADDICTIVE. Like honestly. They were replaying in my head while I was doing the Maths papers.

Sigh. I still have to touch my Combined Humanities. Gotta complete my revision soon, because I only have one humanities for my L1R5! Really hope that I'll have proper time management and no regrets upon stepping out of the examination hall, and just hope that my best would be sufficient. Even if it isn't, I've already done my best, so it won't be much of a disappointment anyway.. But I have to channel more time on it, since I have LOADS to catch up on Geography. 

Oh, and there's Biology too. Maybe I should just LOVE the theme on genetics. I think that factor makes me determines whether I manage to complete studying it. I really wanna get an A1 for it, and I have complete confidence with my teachers, since its distinction rate has been consistently high ( at 80% ) the last few years. But I got to work hard for it! Gotta complete all the past year 'O' level papers, at least until 2008 AND READ ALL THE COMMENTS FROM MY TEACHERS! I don't wanna let any of them down again, because I did pretty badly for Prelim 2 ):.

By the way, just a little pop quiz. What do you think is my favorite Rihanna album to date?
1) Music of the Sun
2) A Girl Like Me
3) Good Girl Gone Bad
4) Rated R
5) Loud
6) Talk That Talk

Anyway, I gotta go now, since it's like midnight. And I gotta have sufficient rest for the long study day tomorrow! I hope that it'll be productive, because the number of days I have left to prepare is diminishing. ): Bye!

Maybe I'm just expecting too much.

I wonder whether you'll turn up or not.

I really missed having you around,

and telling you practically everything under the sun.

If you're asking about him,
I really wish that I can do so to him too.
But he seems uninterested in talking to me.
I feel guilty saying this,
but sometimes I really doubt whether I'm his friend or not.
Maybe I'm the one being fooled here.
So please, turn up.

State of Grace.

First time using a picture to start a post. I have to admit that I was initially slightly disappointed with Rihanna's new lead single, but after repeating it a few times, I'm starting to get crazy over it. And the lyrics are extremely meaningful!

Anyway, it's about 2 days to 'O's and I'll be lying if I say that I'm prepared, especially for English. But I'm trying my best to squeeze out time to write a few more compositions and answer more comprehension questions so that I'll be able to overcome the English Paper on Monday, hopefully.

Attempted to write a few compositions today, and I feel blessed to have a brother around me, especially when his English standard is much better than mine. Went through with him a few compositions that I wrote, and I'm quite contented with my performance so far, but there are MANY AFIs to look into, which was quite shocking since I just got to know them today.

Did 2 Amaths Papers today as well! Maybe because I felt sleepy after flipping through the Textbook on the topic of 'Rivers', and Maths makes me HAPPY (:. I love the feeling whenever I manage to complete questions on Geometrical Proofs and Trigo Proof because it's really based on your luck, whether you manage to use the suitable formula to solve the question! And it can be disheartening at times, especially when you stare at the question and are dumbfounded by the diagrams the question offers, or even the number of marks it weighs.. But if one can persevere and solve it, the feeling of achievement is PRICELESS (:.

Argh. I'm having this odd feeling that my sentence structures for this post are going haywire. It feels weird typing them out.. Sigh, gotta try to type in proper English! 2 more days ):.

Anyway, the clock strikes twelve now, and that means that I have to sleep! Goodnight, and to the Sec 4s who're reading this post, ALL THE BEST FOR 'O's! It's either now, or never (:

Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive.
But I'm starting to not understand you anymore.

Catch My Breath.

The scariest thing about distance,
is that you don't know whether they'll miss you,
or simply forget you.

Prom night was on Friday, and I've been asking a girl out for it (:. Well, please don't be mistaken, I don't have a crush on her or something :x. We're just going there as friends.. I thought that she (Sarah) looked stunning,  with her simple, yet elegant, blue dress!

Anyway, I'm just hoping that I didn't give her the wrong impression, especially with all those messages. Because it really can lead one to think that way ):. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, or thinking too much. But who knows? I really don't want this friendship to go, because she's like a sister to me (:.

So, we had to assemble at the Auditorium to have a briefing about the day's itenary and we got the latest issue of 'Expressions'! Sigh, it really tears me up to know that it'll be our last issue, after 4 years of receiving it. Can really tell that the cohort's English standard has improved by leaps and bounds since the very first issue! And yeah, there was Randy's one inside ( in the 1st issue ), which I thought was mediocre, but his latest essay on disappointment was quite nicely written! Sigh, time really flies eh?

We headed towards the hall next, where we were greeted by the teachers and the staff of the school! Felt extremely emotional because it's really an honor for them to be applauding for us, yet saddening to know that that'll be the one of the last few times we'll ever get to see them in our Secondary school lives.. I know I'll miss Mr Lawrence Tang and Mr Ong Kai Kun, especially when they've been my Science teachers for 3 years now (:. And Jiang Lao Shi too, because she didn't belittle me when I started HCL in Sec 3, and her constant encouragements spurs me to do better! (:. I hope that I can clinch that distinction in HCL, even though it'll be tough, since there're like so many people out there with good language skills, especially the scholars..

Moving on, we had some performances from the alumni, which I thought was really sweet of them to take the time off to perform on our graduation day (:, even though it may seem a little _________. But still, it's the thought that counts right? And the games that were organised were COOL! Joel's dancing is (Y)! Oh, and Mr Ang's one as well!!

After our dinner, the hall was suddenly converted into something like a disco, where the 'DJs' started to blast a few popular songs for us to dance~. Totally loved their song choices! It makes people high. Since I can't dance and didn't want to jump around like a crazy barbarian, I started to snap pictures with other people! :D.

Went home with Louis afterwards! Miss Rozi's cupcakes were delectable and it was heartwarming to see teachers giving us farewell gifts! ):.

Anyway, how's your mugging? I think mine has been pretty slack since prom night, but I managed to complete my topical revision for the three sciences (:. Gotta start my humanities soon! Argh, it really irks me to know that I have to study Rivers&Coasts because Cambridge is coming out with hybrid questions ):. Forgot all the content and the drawings already ):.

And I really need to start on more essays! I gotta retrieve more inspiration for writing! I think my brother's been pretty good to me, since he's been vetting all of my essays (:.

Anyway, sorry for the abrupt ending. Gotta go for dinner now ):. BYE!

P.S. Please forgive my grammatical errors ):

Sandwiched.

Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping,

when you look at me like that.

And so, it's the end of my 4 years in ZHSS. Sigh, it's really funny when you've been whining about various aspects of the school and start to treasure every single bit of your last moments there. Maybe I'll miss my friends there, especially those who've been with me for a while ( even if they've made me irritated MANY times ) like Randy, Ikhmah, Adeline, Clare, Gracia, Chang Jie, Jue Ying, Ying Shun etc, just to name a few.

Well, this means that the Study Break has officially commenced. It has been quite productive for me during the weekend. Managed to complete the entire Secondary 3 syllabus for Biology (:. Feeling extremely accomplished now! I'd initially planned to complete the Secondary 4's one, but I figured out that I should start with my Physics since I'll be having tuition on Tuesday!

Anyway, did you guys know that there's a Study Room at the Community Club? Been heading there during the weekend after Keandra's introduction! It really provides a suitable environment to study in, especially when it's MUCH MORE quiet as compared to the school's library or even the public ones.. But the flip side of it is that I get restless WAY too easily and I have to control my urge of doing random stuff to let go of my emotions, especially when I listen to an up-tempo song!

Moving on, I've recently updated my blog's playlist! It consists of 12 songs, and they're all shuffled! In addition, I've added a few up-tempo songs to lighten up the mood while reading this blog! 

Got to go now! Bye (:

If only I can go back to December,

and change all the events that occurred that month.

Maybe it'll make things be the way they were before,

and I still had you.

I know that no matter what I do to repent,

you'll still be unwilling to face me for what happened.

Perhaps you'll be the only regret I'll have once I leave this school.

9 months, 

and it's still there.

Dry lightning flash across the skies.

People think they know you. They think they know how you're handling a situation. But the truth is, no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you're lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don't know what's going on inside your head - the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn't their fault. They just don't know. And so they pretend and they say you're doing great when you're not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everyone but you.
-Stephen King

Want to start this post by leaving a note of gratitude to Gracia and Ikhmah, who have talked to me even into the wee hours in the morning trying to cheer me up. I <3 guys.="guys." you="you">

August had been a month for recovery for me. After all the care and concern that I've generally showered to others over the last few months, I started to ponder, why the hell did I ever give a fuck about all the lil' things that aren't appreciated at all. Sigh. I guess I just have to survive the last two months of the entire secondary school life that I will have. And then, it'll be the moment of farewell - Saddening for those I wouldn't ever want to part with, yet contenting to let a certain group of people go. 

About the Chinese 'O' level results recently, I feel happy for others who had achieved their personal targets, and even for those who had exceeded certain expectations of themselves. Perhaps I might add in a tinge of jealousy for not managing to achieve an A2 earlier in the year, but things are completely different for the certain group of people whom I had mentioned just now. I wouldn't say that I'm gloating over their disappointments, but the thought of them under-achieving in this major examination just makes me smile. Honestly, I don't really give a single damn about the friendship that we're having now, because I'm sick over the manipulative side of yours, and add on your hypocrisy too. Even though we were ONCE good friends, I would gladly let this friendship go, because it'll no longer be about the quantity, but the quality of friends that I have. Maybe I have popped a few silly ideas in my head because of the tragic situation I have in E6, but at least I have others who will support me, no matter where and when I'll fall. So from today onward, I'll smile at your demise. And I promise you, regardless of whether you're reading this, I will fucking beat you in 'O' Levels and smack my results slip right at your face, commenting sarcastically about your excellent results at the same time.

However, there's this group of people who I'll feel for them. I know that all of us has expectations, and not all of us will be able to meet them, for now. But for those who fall under this category, I'll always be behind your backs, supporting you all the way (:. Continue to believe in yourself, and I know that you'll do well in your next attempt. (:.

Moving on, it's really nice to have close friends around you. Just recently shared a personal secret with one of my closest friends ( in fact, one of my first few friends in ZH ). I told her that I'll move on, guess I hadn't eh? ):. Sigh, if you're reading this, and know that I'm referring to you, I'm really sorry. I promised you that I wouldn't think about this anymore, but it just keeps coming back to me every single time. Did you know that that person didn't really score very well during the Chinese 'O's? I know that I shouldn't be feeling anything right now, but I still feel sorry for ______. Did you know, I really wanted to reconcile (if that's the correct word), but it'll be no use.. Sigh, I think it's coming back ><.

Anyway, Prelim 2's going to commence in about a week's time, and I haven't even prepared myself for a single bit at this stage. All I can say is, I'm screwed for my advanced papers. I wish that I could be like a few people in my class, like Adeline for instance, who always have the motivation to study hard and focus on whatever they NEED to focus on. Perhaps complacency has played a part in me this time round.

Goodbye, folks (:

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seem limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When a secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.
- Stephen King.

Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior.
Standing at my own two feet.

I don't deny what they're saying,
because most of it is true.


July has been a depressing month for me, and I thought that the Augusts for the past few years have been bad enough. Let's start with Prelims. Yes, I did quite well for it. 11 points, but I still don't feel contented. And to make it worse, I get blamed for rubbing salt onto their wounds whenever I talk about not doing well. There are times when I had the thought of not deserving the marks I had, as there were many others who worked twice, if not thrice, as hard as me and yet they had such discouraging results. I was kinda surprised that I managed to score well for my Physics despite tearing at home after the paper.

Next up, friendship problems. To be honest with you guys ( if you are reading this post ), I've been having a major friendship break up since March. That's the reason why I have been really emotional and confused in my hidden texts.

Did it hurt? Yes, the scars in my heart haven't been healed yet.
But would I want it back again? No, because I deserve every single bit of it.

You may say that I'm being unreasonable, but I wouldn't want that friendship back just being friends, considering all the secrets and stuff that I've told you over the past few months, which is greater than most of my friends, except my mortal.

I know that you tried to patch it up with me, but I guess it's really too late. There's no point walking on such a thin line when you know that you can just simply put everything down. Besides, I've already recovered halfway from it, even if the memories of it still remain.

To top that up, I had a few silly thoughts over the past few weeks. And for those who have noticed that scar on my left hand, it wasn't accidental, like what I've told most of you. Oh wait, I guess not many people notice it anyway, since I'm invisible in a crowd of friends anyway. Sometimes, I really have the thought of whether people will notice my disappearance when I leave this world. I really despise that feeling whenever you get cast aside by your friends, but what can you do other than to live with it?

Sometimes, I really think that I demand too much from my friends. In other words, I guess I'm being overly-attached. Well, that should be the reason for my poor social status. I really wanna talk about my problems with someone who understood me, but I was proven wrong ultimately. I think I'm being extremely demanding from him, and I should be giving him his personal space. I guess I'm reverting back to square one then, bottling up everything in my heart. Besides, I'm already used to it for the past few months.

And there's this girl. I really don't know what to say upon reading her blog. I don't know whether her words are directed to me or him, but I have always had this thought that she started to hate me even more this year, considering that she was one of my best friends in Secondary School. Yes, she may irritate me sometimes, but I have never felt that guilty upon stumbling on someone's blog. You know, there are really words that I wished that I can take back, but it's all too late now, as the damage's done. I really care for her, not in terms of infatuation, but as very close friends. Perhaps it is because I keep heeding my wild imagination instead of showing it to her? It really sucks to know of people's problem yet being unable to aid them in any way instead of offering them a listening ear or encouragements. Maybe that's enough, but I haven't had one for a long while.

Sigh. And there's another friendship to consider. I wouldn't consider it as a problem, but I'm actually thinking about letting it go, as it might benefit the both of us, since he has his own clique and definitely will be able to overcome it just like last September.

I really wanna maintain my positive mindset, but it's fading away because of all the disappointments that I've faced over the last few months. Maybe I should just stop looking at the bright side and start becoming self-centered, instead of caring for other people. I guess it's time to give my heart a break.

I've already reached my breaking point.
I'm only left with stomaching my thoughts.

I'll go back to December all the time.

I miss you like I always do.

雨天问我有没有看过温兆伦演的《第三类法庭》，我摇了摇头。
她说温兆伦在里面演的马中宝总是一遍又一遍的说着同一个故事。
我问她是什么故事，她说是《青蛙和蝎子的故事》：一只蝎子想到河的对岸去，
但她不会游泳。
这时，她看到一只青蛙，
就肯求青蛙背她过去。
青蛙说：
可以，但是你不能在路上你蜇我。
蝎子说：
不会的，蜇了你，我也会落水淹死的。
于是青蛙背着蝎子过那条河。
刚到河中间，蝎子就蜇了青蛙一下，
他们两个一起落到水里。
青蛙问：
为什么？
蝎子说：
这是我的天性。
青蛙苦笑了一下：
我早就预料到了会是这样的结局。
蝎子很奇怪：
那你为什么还要背我？
青蛙在水中缓缓的下沉：
因为我爱你。
雨天说当青蛙爱上蝎子的时候已经错了，但是如果那只青蛙不背蝎子过河，注定就不会有后来的伤害了。
我问她有没有觉得那只青蛙好傻？
她说在感情的世界里，很多人都在义无返顾的做着那只青蛙，有很多人很可能比那只青蛙还要青蛙。
雨天说有时你虽然明知自己不该爱上这个人，却偏偏会不由自主地爱上他。
雨天说就像她明明知道不该爱上我却偏偏放不下一样。
我呆呆地摇着头自言自语，说蝎子明明知道青蛙是喜欢她的，为什么还要蜇他呢？
雨天说，这就是蝎子喜欢青蛙的方式。

I can't believe I said goodbye to the most important person that I needed right now.

I'm trem-ba-ling.

Trembeling.

Trembling.

First and foremost, my apologies for not posting much for the past few weeks. My schedule has been really hectic, including playing LoL with Randy and some others. Can't believe that I'm still addicted to the computer when my Prelims are exactly a week away from today. Oh, and I think Randy has recovered from his addiction already. So it's just me,myself and I right now. ):

Anyway, I think I managed to cover my 3 Sciences quite well this holiday as I basically know all the concepts. Left with the phrasing part though ): . And for my weakest subjects, I haven't started on memorising them yet ):. Gotta start with SS first, since it's coming out first on Tuesday!

Moving on, I think I've gained weight over the holidays because I've been stuffing myself with food whenever I study.. Well, and that's not a good thing especially when Singapore is having her summer season right now ):. I can sweat while studying despite having direct contact with the fan T.T.

The first two weeks of the June holidays weren't exactly enjoyable. I think I'm really going to do extremely badly for my Biology SPA. I don't know what went wrong, but I think my values were all different compared to my peers. And for Chemistry as well, I kept sweating!! Sigh, still have mountains of homework to do. Later on today will be my SS day, hope that I will be able to memories the themes I want by then..

But still, there was a Class BBQ held on the day after the dreaded Booster Session! One word to describe it? Awesome. I have to give my thanks to Keandra and Sarah for organizing such a memorable event for all of us! That included two games of Running Man with lots of road blocks. And the one I kinda remember the most was the Pocky challenge, because two people from a group needed to eat one stick of Pocky together. And by the end of the challenge, their lips must touch, and indirectly kiss. Well, it was fun, but kinda meaningful in the wrong way ><.

And then we had the Second Running Man, which was something like Catching, but our class turned it more into like a mini-Hunger Games Tournament ):. Oh, and Mr Goh participated too! He's so cute. Went to hide near a house with Ya Hsin. Zi Hui soon spotted us and hid in the bushes. And well, Ya Hsin and I were caught, but I've already warned Zi Hui beforehand not to utter a single sound when we were taken by STUPID MATTHEW'S GROUP. Keep gang-ing up on people ):. Well, I managed to run by slamming everyone out of my way. And guess what? When I managed to escape, I met Mr Goh. T.T. Had to escape from another giant. Well, it was kinda futile because he had already hold on to my shirt and was not willing to let me go. Thankfully, 3 girls from another group saved me by trying to catch Mr Goh, allowing me to run.

Then, I met Jason T.T. Another mountain giant. This time, I had no energy left to run. As I kept my tag at my water bottle, they couldn't find so. So, Daniel did a body search on me T.T. Like literally, body check. But thankfully, as I pretended that I gave up etc, Jason released his grip on me for a split second, allowing me to run. :D.

Oh, and after the game, Mr Goh treated us with BROWNIES!! (:. Love them to the max. I even took some home for my family ^^. 

Anyway, I gotta go now. Needa sleep because the clock's ticking and it's already 1am. I hope that I can blog soon, preferably before the holidays conclude. Bye (:

I was falling hard with an open heart.

Why am I still holding on to the memories that I should've let go?
I'm sorry.

Maybe I should have objected to what you were saying that day.
And now, I can't seem to do anything to make up to you.

Someday you'll see the reason why.

It's just a day away from the album's official release. I'm planning to head down to HMV / Popular to get myself a copy of the Queen of Country's latest album. Replayed her exclusive stream at iTunes countless times and I still get the chills whenever I hear a few of her songs. I'm delighted to know that she's returning back to her country roots - the very voice that made her famous and crowned her the only solo female country artist with a #1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. I absolutely LOVE the ballads in her album. And so, to celebrate the official release date, I've recently changed the blog song to one of my personal favorites in the album. It's lyrics are meaningful and can be related to me in many ways.

To be honest, I teared when I heard it for the first time. Even though I've already passed the 15th year of my life, I haven't learnt to let go of the things that are precious to me, even when they're already gone. Maybe Carrie's right, someday I'll see the reason why. But right now, I'm still stuck wondering why I'm flying on a ship that's sinking down. Yup, that quote came from 'Wheel of the World' - one of my favorite songs on 'Carnival Ride'. I guess that some things will be forever changed eh?

Another weekend had come and gone just like the others, without me doing anything meaningful to it except for having lots of sleep to pay off my sleep debt. For the past week, I was disappointed in myself. Disappointed in the ways that I handle things, handle my own time, and most importantly, my results. It was extremely demoralizing. I mean, even though it's an A1, but I'm still not satisfied. I'm below average in my class and that's unacceptable ):. I've tried to work hard for it and paid my utmost attention to my subject teachers.. But still, since it's an A1, I'll still have a valid reason to purchase 'Blown Away' on Tuesday (:.

I hope that this week will be a productive one for me, since there's Labor Day Holiday on Tuesday and Vesak Day Holiday next Monday. I plan to focus on my 3 Sciences and Languages, since my standard has been dropping tremendously..

Moving on, I'll be making a few changes to my blog this week. I'm planning to start on my Reader's list first. I've realized over time that I don't want certain people from reading my blog ( not because I despise them, but because this blog contains a lot of personal stuff. ). And I may remove the tag board because it hardly get tags anymore, so it might be a waste of space in my blog. And lastly, I might find another blog skin again (:. It's been ages since I've last done that.

To end this post, I would like to post a picture of my idol here once more <3. She'll always be remembered by the Carebears!

Alright, I've gotta go now. Bye (:.

It was bittersweet.
But I can't move on.
Maybe it's best not to get what I deserve.

And I'm going to try to hold it all in.
Try to hold back my tears,
so it don't make you stay here.
I'mma try to be a big girl now,
cause I don't want to be the reason you don't leave.

-Rihanna.

Why do you have to be so blind.

HCL Timed Practice tomorrow! I hope that I'm prepared for it.. I'm still struggling with my 事件/背景. Sigh. I hope that things will get better in time.

Wanted to study in school today, but I've decided to go home and rest instead. Managed to play a few games with Randy and completed my entire revision on 实用文. Well, I didn't really study much for my compositions as I believe that the points in the former will be quite similar to the latter.. 

Moving on, today was ordinary, nothing much of an extraordinary. Same old problems and thoughts surging into my brain. Maybe the people in E6 aren't really worth my attention anymore. Just feeling this way because of some incidents that I had caused and I feel that they're a little petty, if you all get what I mean. But it seems that you all clearly don't.

Hmm. I ain't exactly pointing my finger to everyone in E6, but only a few, especially those who are sitting near me. I'm starting to agree with the fact that the friendships that we'd made in our lower secondary life will be the ones that'll last forever. Come on, look at my lower secondary classes. My classmates hardly bear grudges towards one another, but the conflicts are solved in the end. Looks like I can only trust those who came to this class with me )"

I'm sick and tired of your poker face. I should've known that you have a dark side. I can't believe that even the first friend that I've made in E6 is treating me like this. Well, FML eh?

Anyway, I'm a bit confused with Biology lessons nowadays. Can't seem to understand the Menstrual Cycle ):. And the DNA stuff that we're learning now is seriously giving me the chills.. Ahh. Got to start working hard on my other subjects! Can feel that my standard in all the sciences that I'm taking now is dropping.

All the best to those who are having their examinations tomorrow, especially my cohort mates and Sec 2 juniors! (:

Two steps ahead and staying on guard.

Every lesson forms a new scar.

The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision.

- The Vow


How I wished that time can rewind and that I could redo all the things that I did.
Sigh, I guess it's all over now.
We're not even making any eye contact now.

As I wrote my testimonial just now, it dawned to me that these 3 years had passed me by so quickly. And the last one seems to be flying past us.

You make me feel good.

You make me feel safe.

You make me feel like I could live another day.

I wished that I could deliver these sentences to a particular person. It's a shame that I'm unable to gather my courage and overcome my shyness. Anyway, I've been busy with work ( more like playing xD ) over the entire month. 

Stepped down from Choir on the second week of April. I felt numb. Completely numb. My initial excitement of stepping down was soon siphoned out upon delivering my final speech as the President. Well, I can't believe that time has already passed us so quickly! I still can vividly recall the very day when I auditioned for the choir. I was slightly nervous about the pitching part, and Mr Ong was definitely trying to know more about my range. Anyway, I sang " For the Beauty Of The Earth " for the song part ( as it was one of the songs that I've covered when I was in the Singing Saints ). And I still remember Charlotte was cheering once I've finished my song. And then I went for the CO auditions. I was successful in it as well. Out of the two CCAs, I've picked choir. Maybe that was because I had this glimpse of hope, hoping that I would be able to make a difference in choir from the very first day I've stepped into it. It's hard to tell whether I was successful in my mission, but I had an enjoyable time in choir. 

And then we were flooded with all the common tests and stuff. I am glad to say that I've managed to improve in most of my subjects, including Geography - despite the fact that I still failed it terribly. But I felt accomplished, and it was then when I decided that I should reward myself with Nicki Minaj's new album. And I must say, it's an awesome album. There's hardly any obscenity suggested in the lyrics, except for a couple of vulgarities used as a casual slang.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of the 'O' levels now. However, I do not regret the time that I've wasted over the past few weeks. Screwed up my first study plan as I was behind time for about a week? So I made another one and submitted it to Ms Noraini! It's relieving to know that I've managed to follow it.

Moving on, NAPFA test. It was no surprise failing Pull Ups, but I managed to pass the rest, including Shuttle Run! Went out with Adeline and Clare afterwards to watch 'The Vow". Are you reading this, Randy? This is the 3rd time that you've rejected my offer to hang out xD. Oh, and I had to treat Adeline to a meal because I said that I was going to fail Biology but I received an A2 surprisingly (:. It's a pity that I was just half a mark away from my one-pointer ):. 

Well, I guess that's the end of my post today. Sorry for the abrupt ending.

Maybe Adeline was right.

I'm just thinking too much.

That was my greatest mistake.

I guess nobody's been reading my blog nowadays, and I suppose that's something good? It makes me feel even more comfortable posting personal stuff here even though its kinda privated already. Anyway, there's an Amaths test on Monday, and I did quite badly for it.. Sigh, I'm striving hard for that perfect score, but I'm failing terribly.. ):. Chemistry's been fun with all the presentations going on, and Kah Wai's group was the best!

E Maths lessons were kinda normal to me, and Miss Teo was kinda concerned about me because she says that I'm acting a bit emotional during Emaths lessons as compared to Term 1. Haha xD. Nothing's been going on recently, even though I feel weird not sitting beside Esmonde, Matthew or Edmund nowadays, but it's nice sitting in front, because the teacher will stare at me and force me not to sleep! Isn't that awesome?

A Maths was normal for me, and I completed the homework that Mr Lee assigned to us! :D. And I like the classrooms that we are assigned to. Some lessons share the same classroom back-to-back, and that means that I don't have to waste time going there and forth to get my notes for the lessons! Ahh. It's so convenient, and Mr Lee was cheerful throughout the entire week (:.

Physics was normal for me, even though I nearly fell asleep on Thursday as it was quite dry. Mr Tang noticed and told us at the end of the lesson that he appreciated the fact that the class tried to keep themselves awake throughout the entire lesson!

Biology is still scary as Mr Chong seems intimidating to me :X. Maybe that's because he's the ex-DM and now the Advisor, but I sat in front with Adeline because he sounds a tad muffled at the back.. But the good news is, the fan is finally working :D.

Higher Chinese was saddening, because I failed my Paper 2 assignment. Was kinda disappointed myself, but I didn't understand the entire paper. At least the summary pulled me up quite a bit..
Sigh. Out of 10 MCQ questions for the Cloze, I only had a single one correct.. Dang, 18 marks gone.

I think English is gonna be fun for me though, we're gonna start on exposition essays, and I love them to the max! Oh, and we had Fire Drill on Friday.. Wanted to do Chemistry homework under the blazing sun, but my file broke ):. So, I was trying to fix the file instead, but to no avail ):. And I saw the 4e5 monitors sitting under the umbrella. Tsk tsk.

SS lessons are interesting to me, and we had like 4 periods this week! Glad that we are ahead of time and we're already starting on Vernice. Ms Noraini never fails to crack a joke to us about the entire SS topic!

Geography was fine for me, as we were going through the TYS questions.. Mrs Wong is awesome xD.

Moving on, choir. I feel despondent because our farewell concert was cancelled and that means that I've wasted my time on the sectionals.. Anyway, gave a little prep talk to the juniors and asked them to write their name under the column that they want the choir to achieve for the next SYF..

Went for Shanti's workshop on Saturday and Dr. Benjamin was awesome! She never fails to brighten my day (:. After that, I went to watch 'The Hunger Games' with Matthew and Jue Ying! But before that, we had a quick lunch at Pastamania  and then went to the Library. Met Xin Yi, Evania, Adeline and Esther as they were studying there. Wow, I kind of feel pressurized now, but oh well.. Anyway, the movie was awesome! It's a million times better than Harry Potter and they managed to squeeze almost every bit of the book into the movie! Gonna finish Mockingjay once Adeline is done (:.

Slept my entire Saturday away and did a bit of homework at night..

Woke up at like 12 noon and rushed to complete my work before heading down with my family to Lido for the movie, 'John Carter'! I wouldn't say that it's a must-watch, but the plot's commendable! Afterwards, we went to Toa Payoh for dinner at the new Italian restaurant there! ( For those who don't know where it is,,  it's above KFC (:, beside Sizzler and Pizza Hut! )

Went home and played Warcraft with my brother :D. It seems like I haven't lost my touch with the standard gameplay! I love the Archmage to the max.

Alright, I got to go now. My apologies for the abrupt ending.. Bye!

Think you could walk on such a thin line.

It's hard to look back..

Randy got me addicted to his favorite song ><. But here's my number, so call me maybe xD. 

Anyway, it's gonna be a brand new beginning for me. It's time to go back to my old self. I should stop procrastinating and start my revising for my O levels tomorrow. That's the promise I'm going to make for myself this term. There's Amaths test tomorrow, and I hardly studied for it. Hope everything will turn out fine tomorrow...

Alright, I got to go! Bye (:. Sorry about the short post..

I need to move on.

I don't know why everybody HATES me so much, or maybe I do. Because now I hate me too. I really don't see the reason of trying, or for talking, or for breathing. I'm just done. So that's it I guess. Bye.  

Stop trying to make it all okay.

The holidays are sadly coming to an end. I've practically wasted my first term away. Well, instead of holding on to the past, I'm gonna come out stronger and become more focused in whatever that I'll do this year. I have to promise myself that once I step down from Choir, I'll spare myself more time to sleep, so that I'll feel rejuvenated and refreshed the next day. Looks like playtime's over eh? I'll not switch on my computer that often anymore. Maybe I should ask my parents to cancel my data-plan for my phone. Yes, it was my reward for getting 14 points ( raw score ) for my L1R5, but I gotta aim higher if I wanna enter SAJC with Louis and Clare (:. I can't imagine going to school with them everyday for the next two days, and have recess/lunch together too! It's going to be tough on me, but it'll be alright for me.

8 points. I need a little bit of faith. I shouldn't let others influence my thinking in any way. Maybe it's a little late to start my seriousness, considering the fact that most of my class have been already in the appropriate mode since the December Holidays.. But Miss Ong says that there's still hope in me, and it's never too late if I start now, as it's only Term 2! So I'm gonna work hard for my teachers, my parents and most importantly, myself.

Moving on, I guess I'm falling in love with Ballads all over again after listening to Kelly Clarkson's EP on Youtube. I can't get them though, as they are only available in Itunes ):. By the way, the Blog song is in her iTunes Session EP, and it was originally a break-up/get-back song. I'm also getting intoxicated by guitars and pianos too! Oh, and the harmonica as well! It's a pity that I've never learnt how to play any of them properly. Maybe next time when I have the time to do so? :)

Anyway, I'm gonna end my post now. Gotta go to Yishun to have lunch with my brother ^^. But before that, I'ma post Carrie Underwood's potential album covers for her upcoming 'Blown Away' <3!

I'm amazed by the shots! It's much better than her album covers in her previous 3 albums! Ahh. Can't wait for the album to be released! I'll be waiting patiently for 1st May 2012 to arrive (:

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?
That it sucks to see my face everywhere?
It was you,
you chose to end it like you did.

I wanna lick the icing off.

Ahh. This song's explicit, seductive but addictive at the same time!

I want that cake.

I never read your letter,
cause I knew what you would say.

The past month was quite exhausting for me, with all the homework and work that I gotta do. I did pretty badly with a few tests and I'm trying my best to catch up, especially physics. Choir was really disappointing for me, and I've already said my piece about it. I guess whether I step down or not, no longer makes any difference eh?

Anyway, Motivational Camp was fun for me at least. All the study skills, the humanities forum and Andrea. She's awesome. I love the wild side of her. I don't know why, but I didn't really feel inspired or even motivated from it.. Maybe it's just me, and not them. Maybe of my friends cried that day, but I didn't. Perhaps that's the reason why the impact wasn't that great on me.

Hmm.. I had a sleepover at Clarissa's house though. Matthew and Kah Wai were supposed to be there with me, but they backed out in the end. But Matthew's reason was quite pathetic. Anyway, I was the only guy there, but it was fun! Watched Insideous and finally learnt how to play Monopoly Deal! Eavesdropped at some gossip that the girls had and then went to sleep. And I feel really bad to Sarah as I kinda snored a little while I was asleep, and I was the first to be knocked out :X. Moving on, I think Sarah's quite cute when she's asleep! Seriously! And she woke up with me when my alarm sounded ( cause I was the only one who was bathing in the morning ) and then went back to sleep. No hidden intentions though! She's really like a sister to me! Feel like spilling out what's been going on with me to her. Girls are so much more trustworthy than guys. 


Ahh, and I had donuts for breakfast! My first breakfast since I don't know when. Went back to school at around 7 am, and that's way past the time I go to school usually. But I'm not late, thankfully xD. Managed to sneak into choir for a short 15 minutes during breaktime and was really met with disappointment. Oh well, what can I say? However, I still have faith that they'll be able to cope when we're gone. And it'll happen in like 3 weeks now? I guess that'll be the last time I'll be wearing the full choir suit, even though I own the pants, belt, blazier and shoes xD. But I'll miss the silver tie ):. The sun will rise eventually.


Worked with Matthew and Esmonde for the mindmap project for Globalization! They're awesome people to the max! They even had some cute shots on the table, sad that they weren't posted on facebook ):. And I want to thank Matthew for being there to accompany me even though he wants to wander somewhere else in the school whenever I'm in solitude.  It's so sad. It's already the last year in my Secondary school. They'll vanish from my life once we get back our 'O' level results, unless we coincidentally get posted into the same institution. I hope that my good memories in Zhonghua will never fade away..

Well, it's the holidays now. Have been going to school for like 3 times because of choir and ss ssp. Oh well, it's alright! At least I've managed to rest well after a hectic school term.

It's already 2am now, but before I end my post, I would like to share Carrie Underwood's new single here! She's awesome! And I can't wait to get her new album. Also, I will share some of the other new songs that are released this year!

Good Girl - Carrie Underwood



Climax - Usher



Part of Me - Katy Perry



Starships - Nicki Minaj



Girls Gone Wild - Madonna



Stronger ( What Doesn't Kill You ) - Kelly Clarkson 



Over You - Miranda Lambert



Turn Up the Music - Chris Brown feat. Rihanna



And of course, a good cover of Adele's next single, Rumor Has It!



For the Studio version,



Alright then, Goodnight (:.

Daddy make a wish,
Put this cake in your face.
And it's not even my birthday.

It's too late to apologize.
And you should be the one supposed to say that.

I'm really sorry for not blogging for the entire month. I think my mind was drained for the past month. Not because of homework, but because of some personal problems. How I wished I could go back in time and make everything alright, but I know I can't.

It's the holidays now, but you're the one that I think about all day. Maybe that's the reason why I can't seem to focus and do my own thing. I've granted your wish. I've blocked you in every possible way that I could think of. It was really then or never. Well, I guess none of my readers will be able to guess who, except for Jue Ying. But still, things seemed to be alright for her. I doubt that she'll be able to sense anything wrong with me, knowing that she hardly visits my blog nowadays.

Will I let hatred or misery get the better of me? No. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But looking back at all the things that we did, and all the things that you said, perhaps not. You were an expert at sorry and making lines blurry, but why couldn't you do that when that occurred just now?

It seems that I was right in the end, even though I was really hoping that you'll prove me and my thoughts wrong. But what can I say? It was my fault to begin with, and yet you kept apologizing to me. I don't know whether it's considered as crying, but I kinda teared just now, with all the things that you dished out at me. I deserved it. I deserved every single thing that you've talked about me.

I feel numb- completely emotionless. I know that you'll be able to live your life without me, as you've been doing that for the past 3 months. I guess no one would ever find out what exactly happened. And no, it isn't a breakup from a relationship if some of you are reading this.

I haven't seen the best that love has to offer.
They say perfection's always round the corner, it could be true.
That's a lie.

Never thought we ever last kiss.

I'm at a loss of words now. I've been trying too hard to convince myself that I should move on, instead of holding on to the past. I guess the time had come eh? Just like what I had expected before all this bullshit entered into our lives. And there comes the one mistake that I never fail to make every year, one that never fails to break/weaken the friendship between my friends, one that makes me afraid that if others knew about it, I'll be screwed.

I know that you might not have the time to read my blog anymore, or it's just that you're avoiding it purposely. But nevertheless, I just wanna find peace in my blog, and experience the usual feel of serenity whenever I post something really personal inside it. I still vividly remember you telling me that maybe, things would get better. And I believed you. Thanks for offering me your endless encouragements and your witty jokes whenever I felt really down. Thanks for standing by my side whenever my world was crashing at my feet. But somehow, I couldn't see things right in that moment of time. It's like I was blinded, or perhaps, distracted. Little did I know/expect that you'd be the one throwing my world around whenever you felt like it. Now, it feels like I'm left alone hanging by a thread, and it's really a long way down.

I wished things went back to the ways they were before. Times when you wouldn't feel annoyed talking to me, or even trying to dig out words from your brain to avoid telling me stuff with a hidden meaning. I'm really sorry for all the trouble that I've caused you. Maybe, you've felt that way since the first day I've met you, just that you didn't make a single sound about what I said or did. Perhaps I would like it that way, and even if it causes me to be delusional, at least I'll be happy right?

Maybe its good to have the truth smacked right out on your face. It might put an end to all my wishful thinking etc. It had been all my fault. Have you been trying to tell me your true thoughts since the first conversation that I'd started with you? Sigh. And now, every time I speak, you'll either try to stop or ignore me completely. I guess everything that I say will be wrong in your eyes.

I should just stop trying, and move on with my life. Hey, what happened to no crying your heart out during the graduating year? What happened to the promise I made to study hard for the final lap in my Secondary School Life? Time has been rushing past me these days. Maybe it's just that I lack the time management and that I'm easily distracted by the various events that occur around me.

Sigh. What should I do to make you change your mind? T.T

Just ask me to stay,
and I'll stay.

I'm sorry.
I tried to close up the gap between us,
but it seems that I've failed badly.

There was a side of you that I never knew.

Hello guys! I'm really sorry about the my blog's inactivity for the past few weeks. I did not have any inspiration to post anything, and my mind's been filled with many personal events. In addition, I'm seriously going bonkers with my Sec 4 life. I wonder how can my friends handle their homework load so efficiently? I'm barely keeping up with all my schoolwork. And some may say that I've been using my computer a bit too often recently, but I can't possibly focus on my work after a tiring day at school.

It's almost the end of January now, and I'm disappointed with myself in the ways that I've managed myself in the previous weeks. Sec 4 life, parents' forum and the competitiveness in my class - they're not exactly making me motivated to start studying/ revising for my work.

I've been practically failing all my HCL assignments that Jiang Lao Shi gave to the class. The only exception was my bao zhang, which barely made its grade. Sigh, and I've been spending a lot of time on the subject. I feel like drifting myself away from the subject, but I can't. Maybe that's because I wanna work harder on that subject to at least pass my O levels so that I can get my 2 bonus points! But it's pretty hard for me as my world in HCL is falling apart.

Also, my Chemistry. From my A1 standards dropping to an A2. That's not a joke. I can sense Ms Ong's disappointment in me, and I sat at the first row! Some of my friends got like 39.5/40, but I barely made an A2. That's pathetic right? Sigh, I really wanna work on my weaker subjects, but if I do so, I'll be neglecting my strengths. Guess that it's all about the balance eh?

Good news? My physics finally improved! I'm glad to say that I managed to jump back to my A2! Maybe that's because of my Physics tuition and Mr Tang! And I'm really satisfied with my marks now and will continue to strive for my A1!

AND FINALLY, EVER SINCE SEC 3 SEMESTER 2, I MANAGED TO UNDERSTAND MR LEE'S LESSONS FOR AMATHS! It feels like an achievement.. And I'll try not to owe Stella anymore homework for more than 2 weeks! Glad that I'm starting to cope up well with my Differentiation, even though I'm still relatively weaker in that topic as compared to people like Esmonde, Clarissa and Matthew..

I feel that I don't understand Biology any longer since the year started. I don't know why, but even if I try my best to pay attention to Mr Chong, I can't seem to understand his lessons! And the worst part? I don't even know what I don't understand, and there's a test this Thursday! I gotta work on the Eye and the Nervous System! It really requires some motivation to get the job done eh?

Moving on, my CCA. Life in choir has been pretty good with all the induction workshops etc. But I still feel framed in choir because my conductor has been picking on me recently, and I can't seem to find out what I've been singing wrongly because my mind tells me otherwise. ><. Anyway, it's glad to induct my juniors into choir! They're all so friendly, but some are acting a bit too spoiled for their age. Maybe that's because they aren't used to Secondary School life, but my patience is waning.

Life in Sec 4 is tough, but I'm not giving up, because I know that I'll be able to make it through. I don't know why, but it seems like when I reach out to my friends, the distance between us starts to widen ):. Maybe that's because I haven't been interacting with them since I entered Sec 3, so I plan to pull them back into my life as I endure my Sec 4 life ):. Besides, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be alive right now. 

So, I'm going to summarize what I had done in January :

- Celebrate Mr Goh's Birthday!

- Appointment of Monitors ( Yes, I'm still going to be defiant and not wear my tie (: )

- Parent's Forum

- Lunch with Friends!

- CNY Celebrations ( with 4e6 taking the crown for CNY decoration compeition )

- Overseas trip to Indonesia (:

- The loss of my E-dictionary and my water bottle ):

- Choir Induction Workshop

- CCA Open House

Btw, Carrie Underwood is gonna come back with a sizzling new single! Can't wait to hear it next month (:.

Well, that's all for today, and I can't really guarantee any more posts for this year! But I'll try to squeeze some time to make a proper post sometimes alright?

Maybe it's a good thing to sit beside girls.

Because they'll offer their opinions to me in whatever that I do (:

你痛了又痛,

我还是错了再错.

难道我是那么笨吗? ):

Got my middle finger up,
but I don't really give a fuck.

That was one of the best quotes made by Rihanna :D. Life can be disappointing at times, so we shouldn't really care too much about the stuff that's occasionally popping up to us. Sigh, I'm really sorry for breaking my promise to all of my readers ):. Really had the urge to blog, but I can't seem to squeeze any time for it..

Anyway, the first week of being Sec 4 has already emerged past. I guess it was kinda stressful for me? With stacks of homework and revision that're specially prepared for us and I had like 5 hours of sleep a day? Felt like fainting during choir ):. Need to offer my gratitude to Rowena and Joyce for taking care of their dear mother (^^)  and managing the choir.. Actually, I think that the volume of my voice has shrunk over the years in Zhonghua. Is it because I don't really like shouting anymore..? I'm not sure..

Oh yeah, time to introduce the teachers who will be guiding me throughout my entire Sec 4 life! I'm pretty contented about what I have, based on their teaching skills and of course, the other band's teacher.

English : Mr Lim Yong Khern ( was a tad upset that I didn't get Miss Crystal Ling, but I think he teaches the technical areas better than Miss Ling, even though she gives inspiration and massive chunks of vocabulary to the class each day.. )

E Maths : Miss Estee Teo ( WAS REALLY UPSET THAT MRS NG LEFT ):. I LOVED HER SO MUCH ):. Not bad, but I prefer her lessons without the use of the visualizer.. And she ensures that the students grasp the concepts well (: )

Amaths : Mr Lee Moh Choon ( Let bygones be bygones~. I think he's really awesome, as compared to Koh HS, but it's alright! Things will be more strict especially when we're at the senior level.. Will try to complete his homework.. )

Chemistry : Miss Ong Lay Hong ( I LOVE HER! I'm fine with both, actually.. But still, her lessons are really interesting and she never fails to crack a joke in class! I think my Chemistry did surprisingly well because of her.. )

Physics : Mr Lawrence Tang ( YAY! My Sec 1/2 teacher! My impression of him hasn't changed over the years! He's awesome :3. )

Biology : Mr Desmond Chong ( I think that he's fine, but Ms Rozi teaches a lil' better though :X. But he's making us do the Biology Journal ):. Anyway, he's really different in class as compared to the podium! Even though he's not as detailed, he still manages to let the students grasp the concepts well.. )

HCL : Mdm Jiang Ruifang ( I'm really happy that I got her, even though she tends to pile a tremendous load of homework on us :X. Well, she teaches really well and I'll be motivated to do my homework right? xD )

Social Studies : Miss Noraini ( I heard that she wasn't really a good teacher, but based on her first lesson in Sec 4, I feel that she teaches pretty well.. I hope things remain the same throughout this entire year (:. PS. She can teach English too! )

Geography Elective : Mrs Wong Check Siew ( She's awesome! One of the most experienced teachers in the humanities department. Her way of teaching is fantastic! (: )

And guess who's my mentor? Ms Noraini! Well, I wasn't really surprised, knowing that I did terribly for my combined Humanities and English. I really hope that she can save me as she obtained a Humanities degree as well as a degree in English :D.

Hmm, moving on, I think that things are getting a little bit ( more like extremely ) tense in my class. Well, we're just ordinary students, but teachers tend to discriminate us just because we take Triple Science >:(. Anyway, have been seeing lots of classmates studying in class during their free periods and that really bothers me because I barely started my revision.. And I've been seeing many people studying together after school too ):. Argh. I'm getting really stressed up now :X.

Anyway, guess who's sitting beside me? Adeline and Jue Ying! They're awesome people! (:. It's a first time for me sitting beside Adeline even though I've been with her for 2 years.. But she really concentrates in class and does all her homework. WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK IN TRIPLE SCIENCE? IT'S LIKE I'M THE NAUGHTIEST KID THERE. ):

I think I'm going to end my post now. My apologies for the abrupt ending ):. Bye (:

I cannot cry because I know that that's weakness in your eyes.
I'm forced to fake a laugh, a smile everyday of my life.
My heart can't possibly break,
when it wasn't whole to start with.