I thought heaven can't help me now.
It's funny how I used to have these dreams of mine. Dreams of becoming something better than what I am now. Becoming the better lover. Being one of the most successful and popular celebrity in the world. Looking back at it now, it all seemed so childish. Maybe I was just a kid then, and I only knew about these big dreams without knowing what was expected of me. Don't get me wrong. I believe that there are instances when big dreams become reality for certain individuals. But I'm pretty sure that almost all of them did not start off being fed with a silver spoon. Most of them faced obstacles that seemed insurmountable. In fact, there were many others who were thrown into similar situations as them but failed due to various reasons and circumstances. Growing up made me realize that success demands hard-work and patience. There will be times when you feel like you're inching really close to your breaking point and being pushed to your limits, but it'll be worth it in the end if you decide to push on.
And this may be the ironic part after all. It feels like we're being raised in a society that teaches us that hard-work is the key in order for us to attain success. But what if it gives us an unrealistic expectation of what we want to achieve based on the amount of blood and sweat that we put in? Most of us want to pursue a successful career, have a great work-life balance and of course, enjoy retirement. I've been having a hunch that with all these expectations of ours, it makes us work harder, but prepares us lesser for the worst that has yet to come. Growing up made me realize that bigger dreams and ambitions will only lead to bigger disappointments and upsets in your life. That's why even though it may seem nice to think about what it feels like to be a successful lawyer or a doctor, it's these perceived visions of us that raises our expectations of what we want to achieve when we clearly know that there are certain conditions and circumstances that are completely uncontrolled by us. We may have the opportunity to prepare for the worst, but if we prepare for the unexpected, wouldn't the unexpected become expected, and we will still be vulnerable to the unexpected variables in life?
Maybe it's just the past experiences that I've had that made me become really pessimistic these days. I used to have those bigger dreams of mine of becoming outstanding from the rest. There have been many instances when I've been putting in lots of hard work but have been hit right in the head that I wasn't going to make it. Up till today, I still envy people who have an optimistic mindset because they're still able to see the positive side of life despite the whole load of bullshit that they have to go through. I don't think I'll ever be that kind of person again, since seeing the bright side of things only lead to bigger dreams and expectations, which will usually end up in tears and disappointment. I've learnt throughout the years that it'll be better to think negatively and try to list out the worst possible scenario and prepare hard for it. Even if nothing good comes out from anything that I do, I'll still be content because I know that I've done my best for it. And if a silver lining appears, I'll just take it as a blessing and be happy even if it's just for a little while.
Nothing lasts forever,
but this is gonna take me down.
